Snippets of Disappointments

Date: 6/2/2017

By Fitful

I was baby sitting, and the entire time I was occupied with something. I think it was about improving my ability to babysit. The thing was I think i was babysitting a dog. The parents came home, and brought a new dog for me to babysit, holding it out by its shoulders so it's back legs danged and it was upright like a human. A puppy. It had red fur, was very fat, and stared at me like a human baby might. I also had these little skin tags or warts or something erupting all over its bare chest and lip. It seemed natural enough but weirded me out. I didn't really want to babysit this one. ~ At headquarters, which consisted of this long hall with dorms and restrooms and then a mechanic shop in the back, and the front room with a telephone, I think i was fired from the baby sitting job. The bosses weren't pleased. They made me a detective and I was in the back a lot ordering stuff from the mechanic for the puppies. Later I was on the job of my own rape and murder, they found my body in the front dorm room, and she had been raped and run over by wheels which crushed her legs down flat. I was blamed for this, as if I could rape myself, and even through my protests and conclusions the mechanic I had turned down for sex a few hours before, who had no legs and was in a wheelchair, they still fired me. Blamed me for that too. ~ I was out in the streets investigating, and there was a plant which ran off an awful mud waste near by, I think i needed to get to it. I began stepping into deep furrows of mud, it got thicker and thicker and deeper, instead of a street it was mud as a trench and felt the mud burning my skin like acid. I didn't get very far, about ten feet before I began sinking and crying out. Someone nearby wanted to try and help me but couldn't get through the mud either. They called for an ambulance but I think i passed out from the pain. ~ At headquarters there was a dance, a Chinese girl I knew as strong and independent was all dressed up to go, her mom was escorting her. In her mom's presence she was demure and quiet, eyes down. I frowned at that, she was always so independent. I wanted to speak to her about why she did that. ~ I was swimming through hatred, it was like swimming in urine. It was awful, but I kept swimming. It was my own hatred, miles deep and built up all my life, ignored hatred... ~ I was making deals with some other incorporeal entities. They wanted the oddest things in exchange for odd things. Like watching me become a lord I exchange for... I can't recall but I needed to make these deals. I kept making deals and making deals. They were all odd.