mercy killing is killing me -recurring 10+yrs

Date: 8/17/2017

By themightyfrop

something terrible happens or is about to, and I'm forced to mercy kill my pets or loved ones. usually by trying to break their necks or strangle them. I'm never strong enough though, and all I manage to do is mangle them while they cry and scream and I do the same while trying to tell the it's ok, I love them ,it will all be over soon. it never is and I always mess it up. I spend what feels like hours trying to save them from the injuries I just caused instead of whatever started the whole thing while helplessly watching them die a slow agonizing death. I sometimes wake up screaming or crying from the trauma of seeing/hearing them suffer . the worst part is the look of betrayal and hurt from them and knowing their last thought is the person who the loved and they thought loved them hurts and tries to kill them, knowing the think I hate them, even though the truth is the exact opposite.