Return and Reiteration (of ex); and A Few Versions of My Uncle

Date: 1/30/2021

I was in a library. Miranda came back to town. I had a moment of weakness and got back with her for a few days. Maybe it was only a few hours. Whatever it was, it was three. Three days probably. I was taking care of family. Family in the library. Maybe the library was also a house. An uncle of mine brought a cousin or a little brother with him from another state. To visit. I was taking care of him. Maybe it was Logan. Either way I didn't recognize him. He was two and blonde and played by himself a lot. Maybe sometimes he was a girl. Or there was also a girl. I asked her about it as we watched the librarian work. We had a long conversation about how the little girl was getting bigger and who her parents were. She said they were home a lot, even before the corona virus. She was really really heavy. Not fat . She didn't look heavy at all. Instead looking like a normal little girl. Rather skinny actually with a flat tummy. But when I went to pick her up and set her on the librarians desk she was so heavy and I felt so weak and I had to strain to pick her up. It felt impossible because she just kept getting heavier or I kept getting weaker as I tried. I marveled at how little strength I had. Miranda and I had a few days like I said. Then I broke up with her. Again. It was spectacularly, like the last time was, some big blow up of being fed up and angry and dumping her. It embarrassed me a bit because it happened in the library. All the librarians saw. They told the other librarians who judged me. I argued back, finally fed up again with feeling like I was the bad guy and feeling shame. I said that I was proud of myself for breaking up with her before ... At the first time. It had almost gotten physical I said and I broke up with her before it did. And this time I had to as well. It was a good decision. They didn't really agree, eyeing me with disapproval, but backed down after that little spiel. I found out I had so many coats in the library I might need to go home and get my shopping cart to take them all with me. Surly I couldn't carry them all and the baby. There were the coats I had worn that day and coats I had left here. and coats from someone with me one time that had been left here. I had to carry them all home but they were too heavy and bulky. The uncle drove me home. He was disappointed in me too. So much so I mentally regressed to a much younger age. But he sorta tolerated me whilst having that emotion and I felt better. And sick. But he drive me home. The baby was playing in the play room. The play room had a couple watching their kids in it so I felt safe running home first. But we were driving on highways and not walking. I knew my home was five minutes away a not ago, but now it was a hour. It was busy and dark and cold. And twice the school busses were acting odd. Finally my uncle revved up and drove so fast because one of the buses ahead was having an accident. If we had stayed behind we would have been caught up in the accident. He drive so fast, it was like lighting in the road. I was grateful for a driver I could trust. An uncle I could trust. Even if he was disappointed. I called as we were having the accident. Well I tried to, but I didn't know who to call. Logans parents didn't have a number...and I could call Miranda but I just broke up with her. It seemed weird to do right after a breakup. But I knew we were about to crash and I might die. I might not come back for the baby. Someone needed to care for him. The way the playroom was set up, a caretaker took care of only their child while in the playroom. If I wasn't there no one would care for him. Finally baffled by who to call I tucked my new phone into the seat back pocket. Hoping it might survive the crash We didn't crash.We got back and there were some people on the side walk I wanted to avoid. They might have been talking about my second breakup. Gossiping. Oe they said I deliberately couldn't do it, the next action I took. So I did. I went sideways to avoid them. I cut directly into the hedge, to the left, leaving the sidewalk altogether. I entered what felt like a different world. No, I entered what felt like a dream. I was so happy, it was soft and the air was fuzzy. The atmosphere felt dreamy like an impressionistic painting I was sure I was dreaming now. I was fascinated by how beautiful everything was. I walked to the lake and let myself get sucked into the dream. The version of a girl I was playing I fit into, she/I dipped my toes into the lake. It was cool and crystal clear with tiny crystals and fish at the bottom you could see and the floor bed was close so it was more like the lake beach. Nearby an old worn arm chair sat next to a table that had champagne and tea set out for one. I cuddled on the chair and watched the meadow I was in. It was like a small grove. A thicket of forest tamed, just outside the house. A white mansion was barely to be seen in the distance after it. And the grass looked very green. The streets made it look like a secret. Beyond the hedge the people chattered but far away. And I felt safe and in a place magical. A cat appeared. It was a soft black and white and gray Malkin. It drank IP the champagne, going so hard into it the glass sank into the lake. I had to fish it out as the cat kept drinking, then pour out the water it gathered leaving only the rest of the heavy champagne that was on the bottom for her to finish drinking. My uncle came by then. His hair was a tad shorter, a bit less red. More brown. Before it hand been longer locks of real red. Now it looked rather normal. He looked disappointed again. I had taken his tea and champagne time. He had two more glasses of each with him, like he was expecting someone. I felt really bad. I was watching a program in an old black and white TV that rested in the forest floor in front the chair. I was ashamed. I should have known it all belonged to someone. Of course it wasn't abandoned. I'd just stolen it. I felt really bad. Who was he going to mee anyway? His wife? The cat? Was his wife the cat? Trapped in a cats body? He then knelt as he scolded me gently but stopped and touched my face and arm checking and finding something in my energy aura. Apparently I was time traveled to the past. He told me I had to go home, exactly the way I came. Walk through the exact hedges. Wake up. Its just a dream. Which I knew but I followed his orders exactly and finally opened my eyes.