Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 6/2/2016
By Olivia
I was brought to a very fancy house, basically a castle -- with crystal chandeliers, lush and patterned rugs and carpets, exotic plants, beautiful artwork-- and met this handsome older couple. The woman was rather cold and didn't look me in the face. She knew why I was there (though who had sent me was unclear). But I didn't blame her for disliking me, I did not take it personally, as I would have felt the same in her place. Her husband was a very attractive older man, it was clear that due to his position in life he took good care of himself physically and probably mentally as well. He actually ended up looking something like my dentist! 😹 (I suppose I have always found him attractive). Anyway, the older man interviewed me in a very kind and sympathetic manner. There was sympathy and a touch of sadness in his eyes, but as to why I am unsure. I don't remember what he asked me, but as I awoke, I remember feeling uneasy with the situation, but that I had a choice in the matter-- I did not have to accept the position, whatever it might have been (though there was definitely an undercurrent of sexual tension, and I think it was understood my position was to be that of a handmaiden similar to the narrator in Margaret Atwood's novel). I awoke before I made a choice, but I know now that I would say no. The opulence both attracted and repulsed me, but ultimately the repulsion would have won out. There's no way I could ever hop on to someone else's wealth and lifestyle that they've built, when I had no part in it. That, and my only purpose in life would have been as an object of sexual gratification for this sad and married man. That lesson of rejecting an easy and attractive path with an older man is one that I have come across many times before, and may still come across. I'm not sure why I feel like I have this strange attraction and desire for older men, but I believe it stems from a deep-rooted fear of instability, insecurity, and my own personal chaos. Perhaps if I continue working on these things, I can provide a safe, stable, and productive home in myself. 🌙