Conversation I haven't had.

Date: 1/22/2017

By Fitful

I didn't remember this dream at first and after about and hour and 15 minutes it came back to me. I was in a warped version of my apartment and I had a friend over, Diana, but I didn't want her over. And I didn't want to see her. I was cooking, making something, and I needed to do something important for a job. I was trying to get that done, I think it was go downtown for a meeting in an office. I was having a hard time get there, like walking was in slow motion. I ended up just bustling about, kinda like my grandmother would when she was mad, trying to get some things done in order to get to that job thing. Diana kept trying to help. She kept wondering what was wrong with me, why I was being so mean and standoffish. It was a long explanation with heartfelt emotion which followed next. I tried to explain that I was fed up with they way she treated me, that I was tired of her not keeping her word, and I didn't want to be friends either her anymore. Immediately I felt like I wanted to take it back, and I did, but not for altruistic reasons. Just because I wanted to be a nice supportive good person. I really was angry with her and I didn't want to be her friend anymore. I was just so hurt by her actions I was done. The entire time I had this talk with her I was stirring a pot of tepid cloudy water on the stove. She kept trying to help me with the cooking, even offered to go with me where I needed to go, I kept rebuffing every overturn she made. At the end she did make me smile and I forgot my anger for a while and we chilled. But I was really reluctant to reach that point, and didn't like much being there, because nothing ever changed. About two more hours passed and I remembered more to the dream. I was wearing all grey, in the dream apparently that is all I ever wore, and I was complaining to a friend, Diana maybe, that it was wrong or silly. She was exclaiming in a half yelling/ reassuring way that it's okay to wear all grey. I didn't feel that way, I was fed up wearing grey.