La La Land

Date: 6/27/2017

I was sick, in a building with dorms. Like an army base? I decided to donate my eggs for a cure. I was sitting on a couch telling my mother about this, but she was very alarmed. Said it was dangerous, that they were going to pump me full of poison. As she told me about it saw an xRay of it happening and how poison was pumped into the mouth and vaginally cavity to combine somewhere south of the throat and kill all these little black clouds in my system. I didn't like the idea of that and decided to take a homeopathic approach. It worked, and I no longer needed sinus pills, so I gave them to Sirius, some uncle or family friend. ~ I was baby sitting, more like a nanny position, this black guys baby. He slept on the bed while the baby slept in its seat and I on a divan right in front of it. The baby and I shared a blanket and it woke up early. I was still sleepy and it chewed and sobered on the end of the blanket as babies do. It was adorable baby, dark skinned but no as dark as it's father, more like a soft charcoal color. He was very happy. I was trying to sleep. The father was having a lie in, and so I was allowed to as well. But i was having a hard time falling back asleep. Then the baby escaped, stood there and a announced it. It had a unique way of talking inside my head. I decided to get up and give it a bath. The father always bathed it beside the sink, not in the tub, so I copied him. Soap and water and hands to wash and sooth the baby. But my hands slipped on the baby's sopy body and he fell, face first into the sink faucet. I heard a snap, like his neck broke. Frozen in fear, my heart practically stopping, I picked him back up and he looked dead. Didn't move, like he was asleep. I held him close and rocked him trying to think beyond the fear. All I could think was I was going to jail, and I was so scared, all for a little accident. Carelessness. Shame was predominant. Abject shame. I kept trying to rouse the baby, so scared still undecided different I should run or call someone, or anything really. I knew everyone would hate me and my life was over. I was so sure he was dead, and so very ashamed, and even more ashamed of my selfish thinking. And then I realize he was breathing, and then his eyes were sorta open. His neck seemed fine I kept checking, but he seemed off. One eye was closed, and the other at half mast, only the white showing, but he moved as if he could see me. And he smiles and giggle and his mouth was melting and his skin was now white... I heard him say "la la land" in my head. It turned out to be more creepy than if he was dead. ~~ I was writing down my dreams in this long unending sentence. I was glad I got it down, so I could dream some more. Figure I would edit it into paragraphs later. But it was only a dream. ~ I joined a rebellion, and army with a bunch of men trying to accomplish something nonviolently. A bloodless revolution. I felt strongly about joking their cause but got tired after being there more than three days. People stopped delivering pizza when we ordered it, no one approved of the rebellion. And the men talked about furry balls a lot. They even had stuffed representations. And they made up songs, and hand gestures, to sing each morning with the flag. When my mother, Nana, and sisters, and brother all showed up in the car I left with them. I had a dance competition to get to, even tho I didn't know how to dance. My Nana was distant, kinda in the loony sense and vaguely complained how we always ignore her. They all looked like Spanish soap opera stars, blonde hair all of them, and that thin, make up, beauty. We drove off a cliff into a pool, it was part of am amusement Park entrance. I passed out when we hit the water and woke up find we had spent the night in a pool room, on the benches you changed on. Drying and getting dressed we headed back to the car, which had been sprinkled with time and and was like before the crash. Even my brother was there, having even left over night. Nana teased him about his "morning stains" on his pants. A bit later I am with my sister, and meeting my mother who is a goddess. She calls me Hermes and I address her as Trismeigtus. She says I am her son and she is my father, even tho I am in a female body, and later we reverse the names, and I agree to her address. I really am Hermes, and for a minute I am surprised Hermes is a girl. But not for long. My mother Hermes, now hands me a scroll to me and my sister. Says we must go to the school we really want to go to. Then she urges me to get up now, listen for once, and go. ~ I have a dream but early into it I begin reading it like a book and skipping ahead. I feel upset I miss everything because it scrolls up to fast but a man with dark eyes and hair tells me my eyes know the truth. ~ There was a bug which somehow got into my room, it was outside, then suddenly inside. The window wasn't open tho. I hunted it and almost hesitated before squashing it with a book, remembering for a moment I do t kill bugs, but I did it anyway. It was really iridescent green, it's wings left a trail of shimmery glitter dust on the walls. I dumped its body outside and it flew away. I think it smiled at me. ~ I once went back and check on the baby, now asleep in its carrier. It was back to normal, skin color and healthy, I opened its eye and saw then warm and brown again. But someone scolded me for disturbing its connection to divinity.