Weird horror romance story? (long)

Date: 6/10/2016

I was together with this guy and we were at someone elses house and a big group was with is and we were all watching a movie. Even though i think we were together we werent sitting together but we would look at each other a lot and u know smile and all that cutsie stuff. But then i noticed this other girl trying to get close to him and they were laughing happily and he stopped looking at mr and stuff and she was like much prettier then i was by far. I got really scared that he would get stolen away so i think i basically cursed myself to idk be prettier or something or to terrorize her i forgot. When i tried to wish to be prettier/curse her i was in this huge bathroom and i didnt even turn the light on, it was as if i was like sneaking around where i wasnt supposed to be. But basically it was the worst decision of my life and i was beginning to see everything as something gory or horror related. For example i remember one time i walked in on my grandma watching something on this old white computer that i used to have in our old house where my grandma would usually stay. What she was watching was basically someone getting torturing and for some reason i was on the floor and when i looked up her face was like covered in dried up blood. Then i began to isolate myself and i think i went a biy crazy but i ended up meeting up with this other boy and he made me really happy. Towards the end of the week i knew that i was going to die but i wanted to spend them with him and i also wanted to tell him this story but while i was telling it to him all of a sudden a pencil was stuck through my throat and he was freaking out trying to help me. While the blood was filling my mouth i told him that this was my fault and that it was meant to be and i just took the pencil out and laid there.