I want to be with M

Date: 10/21/2019

I’ve had several dreams lately of the same nature, related to my bf. M is my bf. The first was where I went on a date with this guy of A heritage, he seemed pretty smart/nerdy and a guy with whom the conversation flowed really well. We were eating together in a mall restaurant. Then I told him, “I can’t see you anymore. I want to be with M (my bf)” and I saw M walking in the mall Christmas shopping, possibly for me. I realized I was not attracted to this guy but was attracted to M. Then I had a similar dream maybe a week later that I was on a date with a guy who was really fun and laughed easily/a lot. We were just hanging out at his apartment on the couch and laughing. Then I met with him like outside his or my place and told him I couldn’t be with him anymore because I want to be with M. I said you’re fun but you don’t talk to me/call me in between our dates, you only see me once a month, etc. He looked heartbroken but he also looked like he was dressed kind of like a loser, or just looked like one. I think these mean that the qualities that I sometimes wonder about having in a long term partner/M - more intelligent/conversational and fun - are not something I need in M to be happy. If I was with people like that, I’d miss the attraction I have to M and other qualities of our relationship like the way he cares and reaches out to me every day to see how I am. Basically it means stop wishing for those other qualities, you’d miss M the way he is!