State of Mind Presides

Date: 5/15/2017

By Fitful

I was living in an apartment, a room I rented. I had a lot of roommates. I didn't exactly fit in, there was just something off about me that they didn't like. It was this huge disconnect, which made me feel small and self conscious and even more abnormal. It made react in that people pleasing, I'm a serf you're note mad at me mentality. But I was there for a while, and I sorta made friends with this one guy. This guy was very unique himself, and very lazy, but also on this level of intellect which intrigued me. The renter, the big man who was in charge, didn't like him though. The guy who had his laundry everywhere, piled up knee deep outside his room filling the hallway. The boss finally got tired and kicked him out. The guy acted like he didn't care, it was an act tho, I brought him the news and it was hard because I liked him a lot, even tho he was a lazy fucker and didn't do what anyone said. He also was a sarcastic jerk too. I liked that, but didn't like it when others didn't like him. I felt he needed defending but I was too... Small mentally to do so. I felt too insignificant. The guy lay on his bed the whole time we talked, he didn't seem to care he'd been kicked out even tho I know he did. Instead he told me about this Astral thing he did, it might have been a game, or an escape, or something more important. He, in his mind's eye, could flip through thousands, million's of other people and their lives and be them. Billions maybe. The options were endless. He said, it was easy, he did it all the time. It's how he picked up lots of girls. I felt bereft at the thought of him leaving. A bit torn in two. Much later the boss renter decides to lease an empty room in the apartment, it was better than renting for some reason. It was akin to buying. The guy got excited, he asked if he could lease it maybe. I said since he was kicked out, probably not. Much later the guy is more secure there and in charge. The rest of the renters didn't really like me, as I said, I was on this level they weren't. I felt very much the outsider. And finally I was kicked out by common consensus. The guy kicked me out himself. I was upset, and didn't want to go back to where I had been living, which was my only option. It was worse conditions than this, and more communal. I didn't like it. I decided to change my email address, I had several already planned out, and I decided I would take this one which was very pastel in color, the meaning of the words were akin to pastel, or I saw them like that, and I did the mind Astral trip. After first I just traveled to the girls lives that he liked, I wanted to be liked by him for some reason, but later I just enjoyed the freedom and honest comraderey. I really liked being able to be in their lives, in a new life. They likened it, the Astral thing, to cosplay, and I was a often in a world where women dressed like a geisha, with teeth for lips and a small mustache above them, with an eye for a mouth. It was all the rage and the look there. I kept meaning to go back and get my stuff, I had carefully packed it and it was waiting for me, but I really didn't want to go back there, to where I wasn't wanted. I had picked a new place and it was much lighter and happier. I had doctors who actually took care of me and knew what they were doing. In their office, which as in the clouds and they were these brightly lit people in white coats, the had an instant record of all the things the doctors prior had checked me before, even the most recent visit to them last week. The new doctors thought it rediculous they had pinged my heart, which was a procedure where the heart either voluntarily pinged like a sonar from deep within or they induced this ping, for what reason I can only fathom. The new doctors thought this was incredibly silly and had nothing to do with what was wrong with me. They were secure in the knowledge they knew what was wrong and could address it themselves. I trusted them. I felt safe in their care, cradled even. I did eventually go back for my stuff. The house and apartment was the same, the feel was different however. The guy was very there but I was more entranced with the roommates, all girls. They were friendly, might have been different girls than before. They ordered a pizza and invited me to eat with them. I felt it was a brand new place, even though it looked the same. I wasn't too keen on leaving after realizing that, and didn't know if I was going to.