Confused and hurt

Date: 4/23/2017

There is an aspect of my dreams that are recurring... and theyre roads and its always the same road with a big loop thats almost impossible to get passed. Usually in my dreams im not able to get passed the road and i fall to my death in different ways. I can only remember about 1 or 2 times i actually got passed the road. This dream was not one of them. In my dream my brother and i were going on the road in for whatever reason a kayak like car but once we got to the road my brother knew we wouldnt be able to make is so he pulled over and was looking for something in his car, i cant remember what. Then when i looked back i could see we were holding back traffic and they were trying to go around us and when i looked forward there was a road to turn to the left that we were accidentally blocking. Then somehow we made it to the place we were going but it was like a kind of cut scene where no one knows what happened for us to make it there, we didnt really pass the scary road but i guess we didnt stay there. Well once we got there we went to a really nice hotel and it was me, my brother, my mom, and my dad. My mom was talking to the receptionist and she was acting all fancy and turned to me and said "if you act like you belong then theyll give you a discount" to which i was thinking she was right i think i heard that somewhere. I was a little unsettled because it seemed too costly to afford. I also believe this might have been her honeymoon with my dad, i guess i really widh i could go since i dreamt about it. But then i walked over to this lady and i cant really remember what we talked about but then somehow i think i started talking to her husband and then i was kind of trying to size him up for some reason (i guess i was trying to be super masculine and tough and shit) but then somehow we got to a bed (that was in the main lobby?) and i was fighting him but in a friendly kind of way. But i guess when i got him in a chokehold i was too rough and he got a bit serious because then he started trying to fight me more. Then since he got more serious i guess he wanted to take my shirt off so it wouldnt get in the way of our fight or something (like so that he wouldnt ruin it? i think i might have ruined his shirt a little and he thought he shouldnt do that to a guest) but he stuck his hand down my shirt and felt my binder and the bump you know... and then i was trying to play ot off and keep fighting him but i guess because i had said "im pretty strong" and he felt the binder he thought i had some condition that makes you especially strong but you get a type of rash. But he saw it was just by binder and then i said it was just a tank top but he kind of realized what it really was and so he got off of me and i sat up trying to button my shirt again and then i started crying but his wife saw and then i stopped crying and i got out of that hotel and began walking off, i think my mom or brother tried to follow but i walked too fast. (Now that i thibk about it im kind of nervous about what my mom wants me to wear at her wedding and in my dream she felt bad for me that i got outed and i guess i hope that she takes pity on me and wont even suggest a dress...) But anyway i walked until i found a library and then i walked in and i realized i hadnt fully buttoned up my shirt so i did that and then kept walking further into the library looking for something i might be interested in and then i found a book.... i cant remember what it was titled but one of the writers or something was trans but they werent on the cover of the book so i took a random paint brush and in white paint wrote their name on the cover and then hid it. Then a girl walked up to me and asked me what my name was and i said "Nate" very casually and then looked back at the book to avoid her and then i woke up.