"Starts off so soft and sweet..."

Date: 12/24/2016

There was a restaurant I went to. It also had a place to paint there and it seems like it was a daycare. It was very busy. It was in an apartment on a street near mine. This was in a neighborhood I didn't recognize from waking life. I went there, ate a lot of pancakes, loads of pancakes actually. I enjoyed them. I ate pancakes and didn't really talk to anyone. I think once I ate a hamburger . There was a easel there, I did some drawing. I did a lot of drawing. I spent so much time drawing I had a stack of them. I cut into the stack of drawings and pulled out a single triangle piece of them. It was of a girl with fanged teeth like a vampire, when you flipped back to the drawings underneath you saw her changing to a normal girl. Very sweet looking. I hung around the restaurant because Laura lived there. It was her home, her restaurant/daycare/studio. Others ran the kitchen too, well some lady who was versatile did. I think her mother ran something I don't know. The lady who ran the kitchen was upset I didn't defer to her, that I ignored her all the time. The place was so busy it was difficult to notice anyone in particular, I was also focused on not talking to anyone. I tried to excuse myself when she accused me of this, saying I didn't recognize her, sometimes she looked like some high class thing with a bonnet and suit, and then change to letting down messy thick dreads and wearing stained baggy clothing. I continued to stay there, kept coming back maybe, or spent the entire day there. Yes that was it, day after day I spent the entire day there, waiting. Laura was there, and finally, occasionally she'd notice me. And then the day wound down, and she asked me to go outside with her for a walk. I made up the excuse that I needed to smoke anyway, even tho I gave it up, and I waited for her to get ready. She had to clean up, send the kids to bed or home, and close the kitchen. Change her clothes. I waited downstairs and had a heartfelt talk with her mother. She asked me why Laura and I didn't work out, and I simplified it as much as I could. The last thing I said finally, I said she, like me, was just too scared. It felt like the truth. The guy who was still sitting there suddenly asked me, if people like me and her who felt the need to go and trade sex for money, mooch off people (I think the emphasis was on using a boyfriend to take care of you,) if there was an explanation why they did it. I was shocked and so offended it seems like he was attacking me, my character and Laura's as well. I was immediately angry, I said i had never seen Laura do such a thing and I sincerely wanted to pay my own way and never slept with anyone for money, and in my experience with my mother if someone does such a thing it is usually mental illness. I was so mad I could barely speak. When it came time to say goodbye I didn't say anything to him. I ended up cleaning while Laura was busy. I cleaned and cleaned. And finally she surprised me when I was scrubbing a pot. I stopped cleaning and she offered to let me continue, I said no we could go, walk and talk. She sat down on the couch she had apparently cleaned. I hadn't got there yet. It looked better, much better. She was dressed in all tan and looked super thin which surprised me. I didn't know which side if the couch to sit on, she had sorta sat in the middle, and as I dithered she moved over to one end. She said I was always welcome there. I could come back and we could talk. But we ended up sitting on the couch in silence. The silence was so full, but neither of us could break it. It's like she didn't want to. I picked up a tissue from a box nearby because my nose was running. She kept inching further away on the couch from me, maybe it was the couch got longer. Or maybe leaning the opposite direction. I kept waiting for us to talk, but she didn't say anything.