No more lucid dreams

Date: 9/8/2019

When I was a little kid my mom used to help me lucid dream, basically telling me the same story every night before I went to bed: “there’s a long white hallway with doors filing for miles, so if you don’t like the dream you’re in, remember to find the white door and just go to the next room” and it actually worked. From ages 5-9ish I could control my dreams like a storybook, but maybe it was the approaching puberty or the circumstances surrounding me at the time that made me lose control. But I had a ‘control room’ which was actually my childhood treehouse (but on steroids). And when my dream wasn’t going the way I had planned I would go back to the treehouse to see monkeys had gotten in. It started with one or two, but every night I would try boarding up my treehouse to keep them out and they would find their way in no matter what. Often times turning my dreams into nightmares, which I hadn’t dealt with all too much. But for years, from 9-12 I was so frustrated I would wake up crying every night from these monkeys invading what’s supposed to be my safe space. One night I got so fed up, absolutely nothing I had tried was working and I my treehouse was overrun with them at this point. So if I couldn’t have full control, I at least wasn’t going to let them have any. So I burnt down my treehouse, and all the woods surrounding it. I could actually hear their screams (I watched a lot of animal planet) and watching them scurry around, some even cradling little babies under them as they tried to dodge the trees toppling down around them. I saw the white door, went through, and never went back to my treehouse again. I still dream extremely vividly to where I can always feel and touch things and it feels fairly real, but I 95% of the time I can’t control what I see anymore. And my dreams usually tend to be nightmares, so I really want to work on retraining my brain to do it again.