Self harming

Date: 12/23/2017

I dreamt last night that I was in a room (I forget where) but I was by myself. I was staring at my right arm for a long time. The next thing I remember is I began slitting my right wrist and upper arm very violently. I was using a razor used in one of those old fashioned shaving razors. The ones that have only one blade and u have to angle it a certain way. I remember in the dream seeing my skin open where I cut myself but there wasn’t as much blood as I expected there to be. I bled like a cat had scratched me but my cuts were much deeper. I should have felt more pain then I did which is bothering me because I feel like this was a subconscious way of myself telling me that I’m too numb all of the time in the real world. I remember my mentality wasn’t suicidal. I wasn’t consciously thinking that I was gonna cut myself in order to die. I was more so just curious as to how far I could go before I would bleed too much.