The reluctance of family...

Date: 5/30/2021

I was walking my dog down a familiar street but I was having a hard time walking. I was having a hard time standing upright. And she wasn't in her leash, the collar wasn't even attached. I had to chase her down and attach the collar. She walked on some homeless people I tried to avoid. I finally grabbed her and dragged her back towards home. The homeless people suddenly were sleeping on the opposite sidewalk. I felt very sick walking back and collapsed. They laughed at me and said I was tweaking... I denied it. I knew I never took drugs but for some reason it really stung they thought that. I got up and made my way back down my street towards home. I found myself at a Christmas party, and my mom was there. I ate some food, got a huge plate, and instantly felt better. I knew I wasn't what they said. I felt bar that they were hungry... I wondered if I should take them a plate or tell them about the party.. I found my little sibling playing the piano. They didn't want my help or assistance.. I sad down to play out a song I knew but they closes the lid and wouldn't let me. Conversation turned to how their step father just accepted and assumed they were his kid. He never went through the proper channels of adoption but one day just said that's how it was and it changed. I told them a secret... that I'd secretly, in my heart of hearts, wanted to be adopted for my whole life. Their eyes grew wide and they knew immediately what I meant without further words clairfying. "You mean you don't want to live with mom always!!? Why not?!!" I sighed and began the story in as simple terms as possible, about abuse... Though I didn't know how to broach it. It was my private opinion he was being abused as well and I really didn't know how to broach that. And then she walked in.. And I couldn't bring it up in front of her. Later there was cake and a party. There were to be several parties before Christmas actually arrived. I hadn't had a Christmas present in years so receiving one felt interesting. Kinda odd. I opened mine and it was really fun to open but inside was a small gag gift, a sock made into an ugly plush doll. Not the cute kind own could make with a sock but just plain bad. I sighed but dismissed it. The subject came up of my sister Jessie. Apparently she was ready to contact, she hadn't done so yet and the family had felt left out. Now she was ready. There was a small moment where I was utterly selfless and wanted something true for other for Christmas and then concluded - or someone did for me - that was the meaning of life. Later there were aliens. The aliens came to earth to be in human bodies with the humans, and sometimes the humans did the same. Got to be aliens. So it was a commingling every time. A long flashing electronic rope/chain wound through the clothing like jewelry made the connection. I saw an eager one figure out how to shapeshift/ bend light and change. The world around them was separated into clear grids, like a drawing over real life. And in the grid with their head and torso they changed themself to look like utter blackness... Which filled the space in a scary move and then changed to just be a scary black visage probably from a horror movie. Everyone at the party hated it but I wanted to applaud them. It was beautiful for one and for another it was apropo. Sometimes wounds are so deep and old and ingrained they need to be expressed. ~ Later as I woke up I saw way too many flips through different scenes. Bubbles with plague doctors in them was one. They were numerous and all different and unique - like seeing into different worlds - but hard to grasp because j was waking up and because they went by so fast.