Occult and Christianity Getting Along.

Date: 1/13/2021

I was back visiting the grandparents for a holiday. I took my girlfriend of two years who was pregnant. Mom, who had her apartment upstairs, was long gone. Good riddance, the place felt better for her abandonment. The apartment was cold and empty although all her stuff and her cats were there. Mercy, who wasn't as mean as I remember, and Jake who ran to greet me, although he wouldn't let me pet him. A little boy was there, 7-12 years old and he was blonde. He wasn't Logan but he was related and so excited to see me. He'd been waiting. A relative, maybe Uncle Ron, commented I looked so much better. Before I'd been this "thin waif in the dark". I'd stayed on "that sofa over there in a dark cloud, looking all dark. In a black hood, hiding inside peering out from blackness". But the connotation on black and darkness was misery and sickness not just a black mood. I apparently had slept on a xylophone. I had refused to sleep anywhere else. i looked at the xylophone in question and had no idea how I managed to fit on it. I was no longer that black sick person, I was still dark (personality wise) but I was also busy and social and capable and had money and a pretty girlfriend of some commitment. I went to the store, a pet store/TJ max and tried to find the perfect things for my holiday date with my girlfriend. I heavily questioned the customer service workers about bowls. I wanted a black skull bowl large enough to serve salsa in, but I never found it, I found something better. I went back several times. Finally I ordered the most expensive intricate set up (reaching the managers who were tired km by this point when they were on the elevator and impressing them my my final order)and we had a picnic right there in the store after hours, and on dark lace blanket and with expensive foods and dark champagne. Despite all the magnificent food I kept feeding her, even on a picnic table outside a fast food courtyard (it's California so whatever holiday it's going to be nice outside) while waiting for my grandma to get back from somewhere, she was sick and couldn't eat most of it. Morning sickness that apparently lasted the whole pregnancy as she was about to pop. She was dressed in black the whole time like some version of Santa Muerte or Holy Mother Mary but gothic. She might have been dark skinned, maybe. (Possibly, probably given my dreams lately she was Laura.) She was just perfect and I was over attentive. And a little frantic energy to her calm slightly suffering but contented energy. I begged my grandparents to spot me two dollars the last time we were in TJ maxx. I had 8 and needed exactly two bucks more. But my build up to the request was so long and convoluted I don't know how anyone stands to talk to me ever. Do I always do that? Anyway in the course of that conversation I pulled out a few things from a bag I carried -private things I won't mention here but stuff that outed me as a certain type of person kink wise- and my grandparents took it as if I'd told them already and it didn't matter anymore than someone having blue eyes. It felt like acceptance. At the the end of the dream I watched a truck come down the street in a rural area, near where my grandparents lived in the dream. It headed straight for the yellow haired boy and I looked away but had to have hit him. I ran and somehow through sheer force of will manages to turn back time a few moments, just enough to stop it. But the trick was just a few seconds away now. Then I ran, headlong for the boy and managed to get to him just in time to push him out of the way. I didn't even care if I was hit in his place but then someone in my family grabbed me, Uncle Ron or Grandpa, and then it began to rain... But it only rained in the stop where you held up your hands. I cried as my family stood on the side of the road with hands praised as it rained just on them and I raised mine and cried at the miracle of it. And I felt upset and happy because it meant I might have to accept Christianity now, after all this time avoiding it. I mean I accepted a number of religions now as part of my occult practice, why not Christianity too? Oh I remember, I didn't like it, but the miracle felt so real I though I might have to.