turning 18 is scary

Date: 7/23/2020

i keep having nightmares where the only thing "scary" happening is that it's my 18th birthday. each time it happens, I'm completely shocked that it's my birthday already, because in my dream it would feel like only a week had passed since my last birthday. It leaves me feeling completely helpless, like time is just tossing forward without my control. Everyone around me carries on as usual, and my panic is internal. In one dream, I saw myself on the last day of high school desperately trying to get my friends to stay to say a final goodbye, and none of them realize we might never see each other again. This is a real cause of stress in my waking life, because i'm anxious about graduating and having to be an "adult" even though i'm very much a kid still. It's stupid of me to worry, since my birthday is pretty far off. The nightmares i'm having definitely don't help me look forward to my 18th though. I'll probably have to deal with dreams like this for the next 9 months. I know i'll be fine when i do turn 18, and nothing will change, but it feels like i'm losing a part of myself when i think about the future from my current point of view.