Don't Know?

Date: 5/8/2017

By L

I went to school. I dont know what school but were having classess at the gym. We went out. It was break time. I was with someone. I forgot his name. His face. It wasnt clear enough. As we were walking by. Someone called me from the top of the room. I look up. It was Mai and Axel. I ask what they're doing. They said something like for the Drama club I think. I went up. Saw Mai. Axel. Lyn. Princess. Yana. They all shout as they see me. The one they used to express. I told Mai. "Aww.. give me a hug" he ran away. Playful. I just laugh. Axel rushed to me and give me one instead. She was in small tears. I smile at her. We walk inside the room. I saw Yana. She was smiling. Her glasses still suit her. She walk past me. Looking at me. As if she want one too. I told her "uh-uh not you" she laughed and said. "I don't want it either" it was her common answer since back then. I caught her hand and said "Just kidding" and laugh. She's looking at me, angry I think. No. It was something like, she used to look at me when I was about to leave. Worried? No.. I can picture it out. But can't explain. I hold her hand. She's trying to get away. Maybe she's angry because I said "No",she's still trying. But I'm still holding her. She stopped. She didn't look at me. Said "You're going to tell everyone here?" As if she don't want anyone to know? But what is there to know. There's no conclusion between us. Her tone is the same as if she was making a defense party. I hugged her tight. She was holding me also. I can't see her face. She's crying. I pat her head. Saying "I'm Sorry" she's still crying, loud. I feel... guilt. I don't even know why. It's a different guilt. As if I'm the main responsible on what she's feeling right now. I saw Justin walk pass us. I looked at her for a second but turn again to Yana. Still crying and I'm still holding her. Again I said, "I'm sorry", I'm about to cry. But I didn't. "I'm sorry" I keep on saying. I went to her ear and whisper "I love you". She even cried harder this time. All I can do is to hold her tight. Everyone's looking at us. I don't know what they're thinking. I don't care. She's not stopping. Crying crying crying. It was so silent. All I can say is "I'm sorry" "I love you" as if those words mean differently than our situation now. But yeah it's really different. I stopped hugging her. She's still covering her eyes. For the last time I whispered to her "I love you" and finally said "I have to go". Crying. I left her. Slowly. I look back. It hurts. I feel hurt. It really seems like the last time. I was beside a stair case now. They won't see me. As I stand there I feel it. I knew it. I'm in tears. I wipe them away as fast as possible then went downstairs and went somewhere with a classmate and his friends.I left.