Over and Over Again

Date: 8/31/2017

I've had many experiences where I would wake up and get started on my day to only notice that I'm still dreaming. And then I wake up over and over again to where I keep having to do these "reality checks" and see whether or not I'm still dealing. I hate it when it happens. But beggers can't be choosers. So after the School of Sins nightmare, I woke up to the sound of the Skype call dropping, leaving me alone in the darkness and silence of my house around 4 am. Usually if I had any nightmare, I wake my fiance up and get some comfort to where he'll stay up with me until I fall asleep first. But seeing as I had no choice, I stayed up for a couple of hours, until I tried calling him. I knew he can be a heavy sleeper and things don't normally wake him up. My 6 am would be his 1 pm, so that would've been the time he usually gets up, and therefore making it easier to wake him up. As I predicted, he woke up to the sound of me calling him, and clearly knowing we're both still tired, he said that we should get some more sleep. And so we did. I had some weird dream about a futuristic Wendy's and working there with my co-workers and having a pretty cool time. There was a point I had to record some things on paper with a clipboard, and I was near the metal drawers where the chicken were kept warm when I noticed I was in the call with my fiance. That's when I woke up. Totally drowsy and blurry-sighed, I noticed I was on my bed, looking around in my room. I found my phone and my earbuds next to me and I reached for them, but I got tangled. Desperately, I tried to free myself but I get more tangled the more I moved around. I woke up a second time. But this time I couldn't move. I was awake, and I could see I was in my room, but I just couldn't move, not even a finger. I tried so hard to at least move my head. I hate it whenever this happens, but I knew I was going through sleep paralysis. Once I knew I was in this state, I knew I was still "asleep" and that I'll have to find a way to actually wake up to get out of this state. Forcing myself to calm myself, I held my breath and shut my eyes, focusing on my heartbeat. I woke up again. Still in my bed in the same time of day, I looked around to realize I can move my head. I could feel things, like how soft my blanket was and the pain of me pulling a muscle in my neck. I was awake. But I felt an arm wrapped around my body. Or so I thought. I looked over to see my fiance smiling down at me with such a cute and tired smile. He yawned and kissed me and said good morning. As sweet as all of this was, I knew it was a dream. So I gave him a farewell kiss before I turned away from him and tried to fall back asleep. I woke up once more. Things got pretty weird here as I could tell I failed to wake up again. There's something in the air, like some ambience that you can just tell you're still asleep. In frustration, I forced myself to fall asleep again. But I couldn't. Struggling, I tried to close my eyes, but they wouldn't let me. That was when I was in the state of paralysis again. For some reason, the air around me got hotter and tighter as my sight closed itself to a certain spot on my wall. I watched as numbers suddenly appeared, black and thick like someone was writing them with a black sharpie. But they just suddenly appeared, multiplying rapidly as they reminded me of static or baby spiders, just scattering themselves all over that spot of my wall. Again, I woke up. I looked around, swiftly made myself turn to my other side to see my phone charged on the other side of my bed. I reached for it and put in the earbud, and I heard my fiance still asleep on the other side of the call. Sighing in relief, I finally succeeded in waking up. I sat up and proceeded to get up and prepare myself to get ready for work. The second I took a step, I started to fall, through my carpet floor and I quickly noticed I was going through my ceiling, passing through my glow-in-the-dark stars and my fan, not getting chopped to pieces. I opened my eyes, terrified to see myself in my bed once more. I woke up. And I saw my fiance giving me this look, smirking and raising an eyebrow as he towered over me, hands tightly gripping onto my wrists. He said good morning as he leaned in closer to me, to where his whispers became indistinct in my ears as he began kissing slowly all over my neck and my collarbone. That's when I said fuck it. I gave up on trying to wake up. I let him take over my body, kissing in places I wished his lips could kiss and had his hands touching on places I wished he actually touched. He did it so slowly and smoothly, hitting the right notes on my body, making me moan under my breath from time to time. My bedroom would shatter around us, but we paid no mind to it. I closed my eyes, letting all of that sensation take over me until I couldn't feel anything anymore. When I opened my eyes, I saw that he was gone. Well, fuck.