My Past Regrets in Dream Form

Date: 8/23/2018

I'm traveling in Maryland with my mom Revisiting my old elementary school. I have alot of good memories here. Everything changed once I moved. Everything, even my personality seems to have become dormant and locked once I left for Michigan. I still feel like I belong back there too after 23 years of being away. My old school in the dream has been moved from its original spot a little further down and remodeled to look more modern. They even added a gymnasium and a 2nd floor. I really miss this place and all the friends I made. I never got to say goodbye when I left because it was all so damn sudden. My mom had to get away from my little brother and sister's abusive father though so I understood. Me and my mom talk about the old school and where she used to pick me up from and it was really nostalgic. Next thing I know we're riding on the People Mover (city monorail) in Detroit seeing the sights of downtown and I love it. The train had not only been upgraded but the tracks went higher than the buildings and all over downtown instead of just a 3mi circle in the middle of it. When it's time to get off my mom gets off but the door closes in front of me and I'm left behind. I get scared and call to the operator. He slows down surprisingly but questions whether I'm playing or not. Why would I play? Maybe he's dealt with alot of kids or immature adults. But he backs it up and opens the doors once again. I try exiting through an open window instead for some reason, but quickly stop myself and go out the door instead feeling so embarrassed. I think I thanked the operator and was glad to find my mom still waiting. I felt like a little kid hanging out with her again, back when I was 9 and an only child where she would take me everywhere with her. I didn't know I missed that. While standing on the station platform I could see the brilliant city skyline. There were so many lights and colors and in the heart of the city stood a giant building that looked alot like my elementary school. It had those bright moving beams of light crossing it and everything showing off its importance. Shortly after this I faded off to a different dream. In the next one I found myself sitting in an unfamiliar church with alot of other people. In fact the ones sitting in my row looked like old classmates from my elementary school mixed in with some people from my college years. Even Obama and his family were around and apparently we were friends. I noticed this girl Nadine from college that I always had a crush on but never had the courage to speak to. She was very cute and petite at maybe 5ft tall, Russian with short blonde hair and big bright blue eyes. She was usually very quiet like me and there was something about her that was so familiar and I immediately felt a connection of some kind. When she would look at me I felt like she felt it too but I never took the chance to get to know her and apparently I still regret it. I was glad she was there though and began thinking of ways to fix the past since I have nothing to lose now and really didn't back then either. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance though and ended up sitting through the church program until it ended. And then afterwards I sat with the pastor and some Bible study group where my "Bible" was a big illustrated Christian children's book that my great grandmother bought for me as a child. I haven't seen that book in so many years but remember always admiring the beautiful hand painted artwork. I read some Bible verses from it and kinda followed along for a little while until I got really bored and the dream skipped ahead by an hour or so. Now I'm just sitting in the same room with Obama listening to him tell really fascinating stories about his life. I couldn't believe I was sitting with a man who actually became the President and the first black one at that. To say it's an amazing accomplishment is such an understatement its not even funny. I was woken up by my alarm shortly thereafter and ended up breaking into tears from all the memories that dream stirred up, all the regrets I have and people I wish I had stayed connected with or gotten to know. I can't go back and yet am too afraid to move forward. I so desperately need to fix this because it's been a problem for years. My severe social anxiety just hasn't really gotten much better over the years either and is my biggest hindrance in doing what I want...