Alter ego or worst fears?

Date: 5/25/2020

Every now and then I have dreams where this guy appears. Well I’m not even sure it’s a guy even. He covers himself head to toe in black and his voice is like one of those voice changers that sounds super deep and scary. He always does terrible things like hurt people and tie them up and threaten them, but whenever he’s threatened and it seems possible that I’ll find out who he is, he gets scared and runs off. It’s when he appears and gets started that everything pauses and I think “okay it’s time to have a talk,” or “let’s take a break for a little while,” that he immediately stops and starts shaking and looking for a way to escape. Sometimes this woman has showed up wearing a red blazer and dragged him out by the hand. It felt like a psychiatrist, but it wasn’t my specific psych. Just the general idea of one. It’s like I have some sort of dream security system that doesn’t let me entertain his creepiness. I thought maybe he was an alter ego, but I have no interest in hurting people the way he does, but I know I’m terrified of people who are capable of what he does, so I think he might be a dream manifestation of my worst fears. Only my fears themselves are just scared. He appeared all throughout my complicated and not worth explaining dream only to be caught and dragged out each time, but each time I didn’t realize that I was feeling what he was feeling. I’d been back and forth between his life and mine and I know he had cats and lived in a dark house with green air. Yes the air was green.(Don’t ask me. I don’t know.) It wasn’t until the end where somehow he’d gotten himself tied up in one of his ropes on his back porch while trying to save his cat. Some kids came and started making fun if him and throwing pillows at him but he lashed out and started screaming threats at them with his crazy monster voice. Then his pants fell down. The kids got scared and ran off, but I felt what he was feeling. He was so terrified of being caught and feeling humiliated was really hard and scary for him. I woke up because his pain was too unbearable. Admittedly the house he lived in was my childhood house and it had a horrible dark green kitchen and a back porch that we used to hang potted plant from. Our cats used to escape onto the back porch all the time. We moved recently and I guess I left my worst fears behind in that house. It feels scary to think that I’m a different person than I was in that house because I spent almost my whole life there, but a little refreshing to think I might have grown out of some of those fears.