Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 5/19/2021
By Fitful
So I'm living with, or visiting some people. I'm not exactly happy or comfortable about the visit. I feel trapped. They aren't people I know. I been there a while, changing two different house holds. Lots of different people, specific couples. All mostly gay. A spiritual dude with red hair assumes we're gonna be together. He especially did in the last house, so much so it felt like a violation. I'm just nervous all the time and want to leave, to be by myself a bit. But I can't. So I do the next best thing...become the babysitter. This goes on for a while. But they do leave me alone to babysit. While they go, a man in the group stayed behind. But he never talks to me, remains hard and distant. It's not as intrusive. But he does say something once his friend leaves - the one who invited me here. I pop into the kitchen to get the kids a snack, I want to distract them so I can have a moment to myself. He says he doesn't like me. He's very cold and sure. I blink and tremble and babble a bit as I tear up but basically say its okay and I understand why, it's because I'm so nervous all the time around others. I think he confirms I'm just too emotional. Well its true, I am. I hate it too. I'm stuck here around people constantly and can't get away to regulate my emotions by myself like I'm used to. So I completely understand why he'd say that. But I'm hurt nonetheless...well I feel threatened. But he leaves. And abruptly I'm alone. And I feel instantly better. I'm not emotional. I get what he meant and it doesn't hurt. I'm cool and collected and not an emotional mess. I breathe easy. And then I go back to the kids and become that mess again because now I'm with them. ~ Anyway we eat chocolate ice cream cake. There are cartoons we watch. Everyone in this household is some weird hippie type. Not in a cool - so am i- kinda way. But in an odd..maybe not safe for kids way. For instance the cartoon I'm watching - that one of them made and produced - has two sets if twins in a triad relationship fking in screen out if the blue. Like, this is a kids show I thought but suddenly its incest and fking. I had to distract them from having seen that with cake and ice cream. I end up tying them to the kitchen chairs for the duration of their snack with a small metal chain leash. Just because I don't trust them out of sight. And I eat melted chocolate cake. ~ So we go to a grocery store to sell books. For some book signing thing. The grocery is some ritzy book grocery hippie store and women stand up naked and talk about their feelings there. Its freaky. I'm keeping my head down and waiting it out. They all have books they are either publishing and/or live. Some cowboy dude woman from the house has a series of tan paper articles on some hippie she she talks about. Its all very new age an culty and too opens and welcoming. I hate it so much. I'm just waiting to get out of there. Suddenly I have my excuse. Someone finds a green snake in the grocery store with the fruit that just came in. I grab it behind the head and rush out the door, saying I'm gonna to released it. Where's the nearest park. Some grocery clerk mimes vaguely behind the store and I take off. I'm so happy to be free I don't even care I'm might be holding a venomous snake. It has a diamond shaped head and is green like a green tree viper. It's so cute, big white eyes, a silly white - almost translucent- tongue that keeps trying to hiss at me. And I keep adjusting my grip behind its head because it fights well. I make my way into the city behind the ritzy grocery looking for the park. I don't care if I find it. I notice a large exotic pet store and think I might take him there. But only if I can't find the park. He's also cold and I'm worried about his health. I want to cuddle him and stop holding him so cruelly but he might be venomous. So I just keep half strangling him. And I keep walking. Finally I get to some twisted back alleyway where I can't go further except into a building. So I do, trying to keep going rather than go back. But I suddenly find myself in a horror movie. There are dead cats everywhere. Black cats.. all dead. Someone is just murdering them. I vomit and plan a scheme to get them investigated by the police or someone and chat myself out their evil clutches. Just as I'm almost free, I meet security guards. But my girlfriend shows up and we escape. Then the snake manages to bite me. I tell her I'm happy to see her but I might need a hospital because the snake just bit my finger and might be poisonous. So we hurry back the way I'd come...and I decide the exotic pet store - that looked like something better fit in a Vegas strip- would be able to tell if he was venomous. So we head that way. On the way I josh with her about her missing out on calling me a vampire in the making. That it's my lifelong dream to be one and here is maybe the only chance I'll get and she miss the mark to call me one.