Almost becoming sick alcoholic

Date: 1/29/2022

I was at home with my husband and our nine-month-old baby. I was feeling anxious and asked him to go and buy me some wine from the grocery store. He came back and I looked in the bag to find a couple of regular bottles but also a couple plastic ones like small milk jugs. They all contained wine, white in the bottles and some fruity red stuff in the jugs. I assumed my husband had gotten some kind of deal on them and I made a comment about it. I drank some and went to sleep. After some time I woke up. I went downstairs to the living room where my husband was playing with the baby. I felt intoxicated from the wine. I couldn’t remember how much I drank. I looked at the jugs and they were both empty. I started to panic. They were not small jugs they were full gallon jugs and apparently I had just drank both of them with my husband idly sitting there watching me do it. He continued to sit there and smile like he always does. I walked around the house panicking and trying to gauge if I was drunk because I couldn’t tell. I feel weird a lot because of anxiety, medication side effects, sleeplessness, or my issues with derealization so it is really hard to tell these things. I thought I would need to refrain from drinking for the rest of the day but I felt that unbearable nervousness where it feels like static electricity is moving all over the inside of my body. I knew I would not be able to do it. I looked again and to my relief the jugs were small again and only one of them was empty. I threw that one away and then I picked up the full one and told my husband the good news. I had not drank to the point of no return.