Dream Papers

Date: 2/19/2017

Over time I've found the presence of one person inescapable in my dreams. The dreams began in 1988 with an unnerving clarity. Such clarity or lucid dreaming often then and as now continues to wake me up. A dream last night was no different. Consciously, I may have tried to forget her. There were times when I knew she was out of reach. She was out of my life, she was out of my vicinity, and in some ways I felt like she was out of my class. She moved on to Hollywood at a time because of illness, my career was in decline. I eventually found a new and different avocation this worked as well if not better in realizing my creative goals. However, among the things that I wasn't able to realize was a life with her, a closure and as lucid dreaming brings vivid wishes to life; I've also never found a way to pre-program a dream for my pleasure or away from such. The dream last night was about a missed opportunity in my life. The only way it seems l can realize it is through dreaming. I don't kid myself that this is probably the mechanism at work in my mind. It's the only way I can be with her. The dream was like a summary of some the dreams or other experiences I've known with and without her in my life over the decades. It was as though I was physically collecting them as pages and I assembled them into a stack. I then put the stack of collected dream papers into a manila envelope. A plain, fresh, new envelope. I left it on a surface not entirely limited to one dimension. The transitional or interstitial nature of that surface still remains one of the more salient points of the dream. Cynthia emerged out of a shadow and into the scene. She smiled, looked at it, picked up the envelope and took it with her.