i was drafted to swim in the ocean

Date: 1/26/2020

jan 24 2020: so me and lendsy were doing this,, swimming/water thing that i’m not sure if EVERYONE was required to do (like u got drafted sort of thing,,, i think it was like that tho) but anyway so we were all required to go in the pool and do some swimming thing?? literally all u had to do was tread in the same spot, but it was really easy shit and i remember lendsy having a life floaty too so it was really easy. but no not for me!! bc i was “selected” to do a more challenging thing where i had to dive headfirst in the actual OCEAN and basically tread in the same spot but with my head underwater. for some reason it was like i was wearing a life jacket, i was kept at the surface but it was also so frustrating because i was trying to swim with my head underwater and my feet above the water and keep my body in a straight line. yknow what i mean. anyway so lauren boddy was “selected” with me and her dad was one of the “trainers” so what they did was they took us out to sea on paddle boats so we could train for this thing. Whenever i got back to the pool where lendsy and everyone else was, lendsy was always in a good mood and was like “woahh you got specially selected to swim in the OCEAN???? thats insane!! so cool!!” (not those exact words but u get the point) and i was like “yeah the real live ocean..!! so cool..!! 😐” like i actually felt special bc i was selected for something special & not a lot were selected but i also... really fucking hated it... like it was so much work and i wasn’t having a good time at all and i was feeling regret for something i basically had no control over. It also terrified me because eventually we had to learn how to dive down under into the abyss (to look for something.. government related i think??) and the thought of all the monsters that could just eat me alive at any moment didn’t really,, *terrify* me but it made me REALLY really dread having to go to training and shit. like my brain really emphasized the dreadfulness. bad dream bad dream