Dissociating

Date: 6/3/2023

I was a younger teenager, but for whatever reason I was driving (with my parents and grandparents in the car) and leaving this suburb neighborhood late at night. Except it was really dark out and the car was so hard to control (typical dream driving where the brakes don’t respond) so when I was trying to back out I didn’t quite make the little bridge over the ditch and ended up sinking right into it. And it was full of rushing water that was storm run off. I was panicking and screaming and just trying to floor it to get out of the water before it ruined the car. Eventually I got out, but when we looked back the little bridge was crumbling away, which was horrible because it was apparently the only way in or out of this neighborhood and now everyone was trapped. We all got out and some people started calling the police and other people in charge of the neighborhood because we weren’t sure what to do. Anyway, I was just there feeling terrible, sure that I was gonna be arrested, and people just yelling at me. I have no idea who or how it happened but I also apparently had accidentally killed someone because I had blood all over me. Now I was really sure I was gonna be arrested, but I couldn’t even remember what had happened. The sound of police sirens arriving sent me into a full panic and I just started running. I found some house and got inside and just kept going until I found this little nook in a laundry room where I curled up in a ball and just cried and cried until I dissociated from reality. I kept hearing police and my mom trying to find me but they never looked in my little hiding place. Eventually she did end up finding me because she heard my crying, but I was just like mentally not there. I wouldn’t respond to anyone or anything as if I just didn’t recognize they were there. My family all decided that they should protect me so I didn’t get arrested for life so they kept me hidden away from the police for like months but I never really got better. At times I would seem to be better, but it was more like I was just this different person who didn’t remember anything about the accident, but then as soon as I heard any sort of trigger that reminded me I’d snap back to myself and son uncontrollably. (Basically I had like some form of DID) My dad was convinced I was possessed by a demon or something and was sure if he just played enough sermons for me and read enough scripture and prayed hard enough it would go away. All it did was make me more miserable because I was forced to listen to this stuff constantly and be constantly reminded of what I’d done. My mom was willing to put me on any meds that would possibly suppress the state where I was crying uncontrollably, no matter how risky it might be which of course stressed me out further because I was afraid I’d take something I wasn’t supposed to and ruin my brain even worse. Anyway, at some point the police had eventually tracked us down and my family couldn’t keep them from questioning me, so they just sat there hoping that I wouldn’t flip personalities, and the cops would believe me when I was saying I didn’t know anything. But of course they said something that triggered me to snap back to my incoherent and unresponsive crying state, and the cop interrogating me realized that I had some sort of serious mental issues. My family was determined to use it as a means of keeping me out of jail—claiming I wasn’t able to be tried because of it—but deep inside I just wanted them to sentence and arrest me like I deserved already because maybe then the guilt would let go of me and stop torturing me.

AI generated interpretation The dream you had is quite complex and may represent different aspects of your life. The driving aspect of the dream may represent your sense of control and ability to make choices in your life. The bridge that you were unable to cross could represent a barrier or obstacle in your life that you feel is insurmountable. The rushing water may represent emotional turmoil or events that are beyond your control. The feeling of guilt and being trapped in the dream may reflect your own sense of responsibility for things that are out of your control. The dissociative state in your dream may represent a feeling of disconnect from your own emotions or experiences. This may indicate a need to process and come to terms with past traumas or unresolved issues in your life. The different personalities in your dream, including the "different person" that doesn't remember anything, may represent the different parts of yourself that you show to the world or the conflicting emotions that you may be experiencing. This could indicate a need for self-exploration and understanding in order to integrate these aspects of yourself. Your father's belief that you are possessed by a demon may represent a fear of the unknown or a belief in external forces controlling your life. Your mother's willingness to try any medication may indicate a desire to find a quick fix for your emotional state. Overall, the dream may be highlighting a need for self-understanding, emotional processing, and a desire for resolution and closure. It may also be pointing to the need to confront and take responsibility for past actions or events in order to move forward.