It’s Complicated

Date: 9/23/2018

HL is in love with me. I don’t actually believe it though. I like him too. I call him “honey” sort of accidentally but sort of not. It’s a little of both. I had been wondering what it would be like. I had forgotten that others were there, I hadn’t thought they would be paying so much attention to us. Apparently it was obvious to all how we felt for each other. It wasn’t exactly obvious to me how he felt for me. It was to everyone else. So, when I say that, I see a girl smile. I was surprised because I thought she was in love with him. I thought she at least had feelings for him. But instead she’s apparently happy for him. He leaves her side immediately and lays down next to me (everyone is here for a wedding and is sleeping on the floor in a giant room watching movies until they fall asleep. Only three of us appear to be awake. He starts kissing me passionately. I’m startled by it but kiss him back some too, though I also worry that others will see. It feels good. He is on top of me, kissing me. I don’t want him to stop, but I have to make him stop. He is understandably confused. I tell him we can talk about it later. I cuddle up into him and sleep. He wraps his arms around me. It’s such a nice feeling. We try to find a place alone to talk about it, but no matter where we go, someone is there. He wants to know why I called him honey, and now seem to not want his affections. I tell him it’s complicated but it can’t be an open thing for all to see, but I do like his affection, his kisses, and having him around me. I apologize that I confused him. We kiss again before deciding to keep it private. Someone has seen us.