I just woke up (3:43am)

Date: 9/11/2016

I just woke up terrified. At the beginning of dream I was fine . I was getting ready to eat a bunch of hunch food with buddies from school. I knew them, they were a kid I knew since 10th grade and another whom is kind of dicky kind of kid. But I ended up having a thing to go to & I was paying. So I was aggravated about how much food they got. Don't remember where I had to be. Then soon after I was sitting in the floor with the first kid (from 10th grade) some girl on the left & my girlfriend on the right. Why was I sitting on the floor? Power. I didn't know that girl or maybe I do & I can't put a name to her. She made a snide comment about my relationship then followed by spilling information about the kid (10th grade) kisses my girlfriend I was ferrous . Then I proceeded to stand up & point at him. I said " don't you ever fucking touch my girlfriend again!" Why did I have this strength to pull myself from the ground to yell. ? I believe that since I finally took a step & defended myself against my father yesterday impacted this section fully. I finally had strength in my self. Then I find my self outside in a parking lot dressed up ready to head to get some food with my grandpa Rick. But my car wouldn't start . So I got pissed & yelled at the car. I believe since for the past six months my car has scared me & every time I step into it , I never know what's going to be wrong next. Next I remember it being night time & going outside. Sam , a friend of mine was in my car, drove it in a circle. I asked "what are you doing, how'd you get it to work." She replied with "it wasn't easy, but it took some time " I think since Sam has impacted my life positively . Then I was in a house with (10th grade kid) Markus & Kyla . Shelbie & her boyfriend & my girlfriend. I told that Kid "what'd I tell you!" Why were these specific people there? Why was I so discombobulated about the fact of Markus & Kyla being there? Due to the fact that Kyla and I are no longer friends I believe that it signifies our relationship now or our past relationships & how I miss it In a way. I go to turn away in the garage where we were hanging out. To find my step moms mom whom is a homophobe standing there & she said "I saw you with her" I just remember saying "not now nana" I think this symbolizes the fact that I wanted to tell my dad so bad on phone that he hasn't treated me the same since I came out. That ever since my girlfriend came into my life and my mom died. He doesn't talk to me anymore except to yell at me. I then remember looking at old tapes pointing out friends. Saying " look at wayde . Omg there's Colton " why these people ? I don't know ! Then after I was sitting in an apartment talking with my girlfriends mom and my girlfriend. I heard her moms voice coming from the hall way too. So I was a bit like what the hell. I then saw a small , skinny, alien looking version of mom. I then started to panics I showed my hands at level to my head as I watched them shake. I demanded sunny to get me water. Her mom demanded too. I said "im having a panic attack get me water damnit"and she replied with "grumpy" once I drank the water I calmed a little bit . Then the small version of mom popped up again then it happened again. I then I just started crying. Why was I having a panic attack? Because mom freaked me out. Why did it scare me so much? Because seeing mom in that way was terrifying. Deformability scares me so much. Seeing a woman I find comfort in being in another way, or being deformed scared me. Why was she alien like? Idk what was the reason for her small size? Maybe to trigger me. & my emotional state of being. Why was the room shaking? Why did this impact me so much? I don't understand. Why did I wake up with swollen eyes & tears falling? When I woke they were hurting as if I had them taped shut. Upon waking I was whimpering & kept saying . Babe babe please wake up. I repeatedly said I'm scared. I made every tv & light in the room turn on. I needed water my throat was so dry. My eyes burned & I felt sick to my stomach. I'm not going back to bed I'm too scared to I fell asleep around (530 am) I drifted into another short nightmare. I was standing in the back yard with everyone looking at something. Armando then pushed on my side & began to grow taller. He then said "what, are you scared" & his eyes went black. I then began to push on his chest. Then he disappeared then I felt my girlfriend presence but I was still sleeping I couldn't open my eyes. I began to push on her begging her to wake up . I started hitting her back saying "it's working!" She finally woke up to wake me. She said I was lightly tapping on her back.