poisoned myself

Date: 8/8/2022

i was fighting in some war, i dont know what for. i was a soldier armed with a small sheild the size of a corn chip and a tiny slingshot. my enemy was in the same room as me, which was a completely empty and white space with two stools on an infinite plane. we were sitting there having some childlike war, throwing tiny things at each other and blocking them with our shields. eventually, I'm not sure what posessed me to do this, but i used the slingshot to launch a small spat of the poison we had been armed with at her. she seemed horrified and said "you just poisoned me... thats going to kill me!" and i replied something to the extent of "to be fair, i doubt this stuff actually works. it more of a deterrent. plus, when i was shooting some at you a bit of it got on me, so if you die I'm going with you" i honestly thought it wasnt going to work, so i was treating it like nothing. i was on the yakuza (game) wikia on my phone when suddenly my body started to tingle and i thought "oh shit the poison is real" and before i knew it my whole body was basically paralyzed and i was laying face first on the floor, staring at the white ground. i saw the other lady keel over in front of me and it finally hit me that i was going to die imminently. thoughts raced through my head like "oh my god these are my last thoughts arent they? i should have spent my last moments doing something i love rather than browsing the yakuza wikia. this is inevitable isnt it? i cant stop this. I'm going to die. what happens after death? does it all just go black? its all over after this? i guess I'm about to find out. or not, if it all goes black and there's nothing." i was so scared and freaking out. there was so much more i wanted to do in life, and i was not ready. i had seen a video online saying that when you are dying you're hit with a wave of calm and peace and then there's darkness and you fade away, so despite my fears i closed my eyes and waited to the calm to set in, but i was so anxious and nervous that my body did not feel that. finally everything went black, and i started to slip away. my last thought was something along the lines of "i need to calm down, i dont want to die an anxious wreck" and just as i was aboht to fade off i woke up in my bed, my whole body still tingling, and so confused as to how i managed to come back and save myself. its 5pm and I'm still rattled over this (i woke up at 8am)