home town

Date: 6/29/2017

I'm in my hometown with my little Sun,we came for 2 weeks although it's summer holiday a school bus comes to pick him up.So he goes to school and I find myself sitting on the bench talking to a old school colegu we are talking about something (I can't remember)and suddenly he says yeah you are more than welcome to come with your Sun but not him?him?you mean my husband?yeah him I don't want him to come he is weird.And then I said the strangest thing!yeah tell me about it it was my biggest mistake marrying him the only good thing is from that is my son who's the most important person in my life!(I love my husband maybe we fight a lot but I love him) so I'm talking to the guy and a but my marriage and the fights.and suddenly I find myself on the ground (in the park middle of the day)and him on top of me trying to kiss me ,it's not like he's trying to rape me or something he was very gentle and kind. And I'm going no I can't kiss you I have husband please stop!so he gets up helps me to get up and says:come sit with me I should have done that ages ago before you even went abroad in matter of fact I should have done that when we were still at school.so I'm like ok what's wrong (I feel calm I trust him )he says I love you I always have I was stupid and scared what would my friends say if I was with you ,you know because of the extra few pounds (I was always bigger girl,still am)I don't know what to say I'm just smiling at him (thinking yeah I always liked you you were nice to me you never called me fat and we sat together everyday in polish and german) then he says come back to the country move in with me you won't have to worry about anything I will take care of you and your boy (and although I would love that I really would in the dream of course I did want to do that )I'm saying no I can't what about my husband I can't just leave like that .so he goes I understand but please think about that I love you and I always will I will treat you well I won't fight you you will be my princess please think about it (in my head in the dream I am already thinking about it!{I would never even think about that in real life to leave my husband})then the scenery changes he's not there anymore I'm waiting for school bus to get my son when I'm realising that it's evening already!!!how is that even possible (I would never miss pick up time or forgotten about my son never every but that's a reoccurring in my dreams lately very often)I'm thinking how did that happens that I missed that bus again finally I managed to call the school and was informed that my son is in social care to pick him up from there.i picked him up and was told that a file is going to be open on us and someone is going to come over for interview regarding my care of my son (honestly in real life I'm the best mum at least I think I am we are just normal average family)and I'm thinking what file what social care it's summer holiday we don't even live in this country anymore!anyway I left my Sun with mum because I had to go to town do shopping,while walking i get a call from the guy he's asking me to come over to talk to him that he's going to send me money to sort everything out at home and move to him (I feel very sad because I really want to do that I want to be with him)but I'm saying I can't do that and he keeps asking me at that point I'm crying and tell him I can't do that because my son is autistic and he gets great care where we live now but if I move here there's gonna bo no care of that level and I put the phne down.(my son is not autistic but yes he has some development delays in real life )then I don't know how it happend I'm walking into a house where there is a party and people from the school times everyone is like oh great to see you ..then I walk to the room and that guy who loves me so much I sitting there (I'm thinking ok I will leave everything I will move back I want you I want your love)but he looks kind of different it's still him but looks younger?so he's not happy at all to see me as soon as I walked in he kinda gets stressed and he goes to me got eat dinner so I'm like ok I'm turning back to leave then I notice he's walking out of the room showing with his hand to follow him,I'm going with him we end up in some kind of office or something.so I sit down he's standing over me looking sad like he didn't want to do what he had to do next tears in his eyes,I don't know what to do I came here to tell him that I want to be with him whatever it takes.so I say yes I will I will do it! and he's starts screaming at me .we can't be together what did you think that you will take all my money and what that I will give you everything I have no I can't do that I'm sorry .what money I'm saying I don't want your money I want you your love. his voice is kind of breaking to cry and he walks out .I'm sitting there crying I don't understand I can't breath !I'm so shocked I'm panicked and I realise some old friends have heard our conversation.so I just hung my head down and walking out of there I know they talking to me those people but I can't hear them I'm devastated!!then that thought crossed my mind I'm thinking so good that I haven't told my husband that I want to leave him at least I still got the home to go back to!(😂)net my phone is ringing he's apologising but I cant remember what exactly he was saying. then I'm back home there is giant paddling pool on neighbours front yard kids are screaming and I'm thinking good that things went that way I'm happy with the life I have