Jesus Shame Party

Date: 6/21/2019

(my brother) was hanging out with me and a group of friends it was like he just got back from somewhere instead of being dead. The guy who plays Dan on Lucifer/Jesus on True Blood was more in character to a very party type version of Jesus I remember we were all drinking and "Jesus" started grinding on (brother) I thought it was funny and figured (brother) would play along until I heard (brother) "Stop it Seriously Please" like pleading almost in pain Jesus got off him and everyone thought (brother) pissed his pants because the front of them, well looked liked he had pissed but when I saw how sad Solomon was I realized he came in his pants. No one there would understand why this hurt him except for me because we were molested/ raped as kids. He was on the floor still I pet his hair and apologized I explained to the people there it was a trigger he wasn't homophobic nor was he closeted he just had never been with anyone I told him I understood and I debated on explaining to him how my first orgasm was embarrassing almost painful and felt shameful too but I was lucky because I was alone but instead I think all I said was that he shouldn't feel ashamed. For some reason after I sat there next to him a minute I got the realization kind of back that he was dead I asked if he ever told (his wife) about what happened to us and I wanted to ask how he got through it to be in a relationship like that with someone i think instead I asked him if it was true that he was a virgin before he got married because that always made me feel shitty for giving in to relationships sexually even if I didn't feel anything he said she was his first and he yelled it "IT WAS MY FIRST TIME" multiple times then he started to fade away and that was all I remember. Cried about it on the way home stuck with me all day.