Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 9/18/2019
By Plaz
So...ive done my best i could for my mom despite the amount of times ive been betrayed. But that of course didnt work do the fact that as of this summer i have finally allowed myself to come to two conclusions. The first that I have an identity disorder and number two. That I'm Bi. I'm not sure which one is scarier. Since me being Bi means that my mom may disown me due to the fact that she is against LGBTQ. And the fact I have d.i.d is painful and causes me to have major headaches like the one I had yesterday. I was in math when I got this extemely excruciating headache. I always have a headache 24/7 because I can always hear them talking or just their presence seeming...loud so I thought I'd be fine until it started to hurt more and more until it felt like 1,000 knives were stabbing me from inside my head out. And my reaction to this was crying and twitching and not knoeing what to do. I finally built up the courage to ask my teacher to go to the office even though I personally knew nothing could help. That was like giving drugs to a perfectly healthy person. So they had me take some advil and call my mom who clearly did nothing. So I went my to class just in time for the next wave of monstrous pain. So I continued to sit and there with my hoodie over my head crying and twitching like a physco. Eventually it stopped and people asked if I was okay and even the girl I care about came over and put her hands on my shoulders and asked if I was okay. But I couldn't say anything. They wouldn't believe me, they would just laugh. So I shook my head and sat there. But this brings me to my dream or well....vision. You see I had already had a stressed day. My mom got mad at me becauss I kept asking them to quite down due to my just now ending headache (I guess the term for this is a migraine rather than a headache). So late at night I went to bed, played some peaceful music, and fell alseep. I remeber just being in a void I felt warm and everything was black. But then I fell in front of my house and there was a little bit of snow on the ground and I was with three other people. My temp changed way too quickly and I was overly cold right away. Shaking my hearts content away. Everything felt numb and my mom was standing in front of me and my brother and step-dad were behind her. They all seemed mad and I finally realized I was being kicked out. And then me and the three others slowly walked into the snow for what felt like and endless amount of time. And then fell...and I suddenly felt warm and happy and....then I was sad. Thinking about what just happend and about the friends who knew...I was forced to leave them behind and it hurt...death hurt...but I didnt hide who I was. I finally knew who I was. I was Bi. I had d.i.d. and I had friends who were practically family to me. I lived to the end as me and since they knew that means I wasnt wearing a mask anymore. I died as who I was. We all should. Don't hide who you are. Be you.