Date: 5/14/2017

By BarrettSale

I beat the shit out of Donald Trump'a face while he must have been on his way to speak at my church. I got him alone and literally beat his face in with a small, dense, dark wooded training stick. The church, which also happened to have an impenetrable watchtower, from which Brad (my bosses husband who happens to be a vet) was the commander of my search, found me chillin in a jeep after a long, stressful search. I thought I was clear until i realized i looked directly into a hidden camera as trump was on his knees about to get pummeled. I ran, hoping they wouldn't notice me, and hid for a long while. They only way they were able to identify me is through my travel souvenirs and lanyards that I had on my person, which was all they were able to make out of from the video. I remember seeing the video all over tv and my phone, knowing i was the most wanted man in the U.S. at the time, was.. interesting to say the least. I was the only person in the church to have traveled to Ecuador and Mongolia (even tho ive never been to Mongolia) I looked down as Brad identified me, hit my friend's wax pen until i couldn't breathe anymore, and then woke up. To this day, this might be one of the most vivid, complex, and terrifyingly awesome dreams I've ever had.