Whatever I do you leave

Date: 9/16/2019

I’m someone else, a guy, and I get a girl pregnant. She looks like the blonde girl in Love, only way less pretty. She gets an abortion, we continue to see each other I guess? Now I’m me. I’m driving and for some reason I get panicky and start driving hastily and lose control and find myself at a district/town I’m not familiar with. I get out of the car to ask the townspeople for directions, but they get offended by the fact that I’m speaking Turkish. The speak in a language I haven’t even heard before. They don’t even want to hear me. Then I somehow realize that they are the true owners of these lands and they were forced to live in a small part of the country and this was it. I feel extremely relieved to remember I can use my phone’s navigation to get out. I’m the guy again. The girl is there too. She says she’ll never have sex with me again and I realize that contrary to what I assumed about her, she’s pretty conservative. Now the girl and I are at a wedding. The wedding is in a place like a sad classroom and the people are of that minority from earlier when I was me. The girl knows those people, she’s always talking to others. I daydream about wrapping decorative paper ribbons around her and pulling her close but she rips the ribbons and escapes in my daydreams. I feel extremely agitated and frustrated and in love with this girl and I daydream of singing a song that goes like “whatever I do you still leave you always leave whatever I do you leave”.