nothing bothers me, exept swans i guess

Date: 1/29/2021

I was a toddler again at a cold beach. Something serious had happen, i don’t remember what, but my granny asked:» nothing bothers you, huh? you can handle anything» and i responded:» its called dissosiating» she told me that its a good thing that it makes me tough or whatever and then i said:» it makes me feel like im already dead, i can barely feel anything, im so numb» while i was swinging back and forth on a pole reaching out on the side above the ocean with just my hands. She laughed at me and had taken a snapchat video of me saying it and sent it to everyone. i notice a couple of swans, I try to interact with them and mimic them, but they fly away and i get extremely sad and emotional