Gun to my Head

Date: 12/8/2016

I'm in a dark room.. I can't speak but hear only my thoughts. I am holding a pistol to my temple. My head is saying do it, do it, do it, do it.. repeatedly. I have no control of the gun. I am not capable of telling myself no. Finally, I regain control of my mind and throw the gun across the room. I have an actual thought. "What are you thinking" "I will never give up on life that easy!" Crying heavily, now on the floor of the dark room... I awake in sweats.