Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 11/5/2016
By Fitful
I was in an apartment and I had just moved into it, I had roommates. A couple of girls, and then I was blown away when Guinan from Star Trek: The Next Generation came and moved into the room now the hall. I remember meeting her once before, a long time ago when I was a child, here in this very lodge. I remarked on it, and how she hadn't changed. I didn't see her again, it was like seeing a celebrity on holiday. One of my roommates had a kid, actually they both did. I was going to see Laura, my ex, she wanted to try again. I think it's possible she was one of my roommates.. But I can't be sure. I just know I saw her for a while, and she was herself, wanting to try again with me, kinda turned inward and vulnerable like she is when she wants me back. It was my birthday, and my friend, the roommate wants to take me out, to go shopping. I had saved my money and was going to buy new clothes. I woke up early that morning, like 7:04 am and she wasn't there, she was working, I went to pick her up. I dropped off her kid, or picked up her kid on the way. The kid was driving a sled and had a reindeer the size of a dog. They were playing in the snow. I picked up my roommate, and we went back to the apartment and our other roommate decided to come along, her kid was there too. I decided to be kind and I invited the little girl of my first roommate to come along. I knocked on the door to her room, and asked to come in, very mindful that people just barge into children's rooms and so I tried to show respect to them. I told her about shopping and she as excited when I said the word mall, it was what I pictured in my head, but when I told her they hadnt agreed to go to the mall she looked dejected and didn't want to go. Something about her mother not liking malls and wouldn't go one. I was a little relieved because I just wanted to hang with my first roommate, who might be my ex laura, and went in search of the second roommates kid, her son to ask him. But instead I found the guest rooms full of friends of my roommate here visiting for the holidays. Apparently there were a lot of rooms in this apartment, which is unfair I think because I lived in the living room on the couch. At first her friends were cool, part of some hip crowd, like artists or writers, that close nit niche. They were very funny, and we all joked around so easily, I was sitting with a guy, and behind a glass window was a woman, we made fun of him together. The whole room laughed. Anyway, my first roommate excitedly invited her friends, just as she had invited the second roommate and I sighed and went along with it, asking kindly if they wanted to come. When I told them shopping they were okay with it, kinda standoffish. Then I explained I was going shopping for clothes for my birthday. That's when everyone started hating me. The woman literally said I was ugly and she didn't want to go. The others said something similar. In fact quickly they, there were more than two, there were couples with kids so a lot of people, convinced my roommate I was crazy and ugly. I was very hurt and resentful since the woman who said that wasn't even pretty, she was actually very plain, and I was sure she was talking about my weight not my face, even tho it was directed at my face. I got very mad, they all decided to moved their stuff off my couch/bed, which they had taken over despite my not saying anything and been uncomfortable with. Then abruptly they withdrew and doing so took some of my stuff. So in a storm of utter rage I went from guest room to guest room to my roommates room searching for it. My roommate was also leaving, having decided I was ugly and crazy, and she was now a he, going from a black woman to start now she became a he, a white man. I was really hurt by all this and decided to tear each room apart looking for my stuff. Each guest laughed at me when I was in their room, and I just knocked shit over looking for my things, big things, like shelves and Christmas trees and other holiday decorations. I went to each room once, then got to his room, he who was preciously a girl and was my roommate, and tried to express my emotions, sorta excuse my behavior but he just insisted I was crazy and ugly and they, his friends, were right. And that he hated me. I left again this time not really caring about my stuff but eager to hurt them. I went to each room and destroyed things, they had begun to pick up shit and I just knocked down more, knocked over, I think I might have accidently lit something on fire by knocking it over, but I check to see it it was burning, and it wasn't yet, just sparking. It had been a sorry tree in large glass ornaments. And then I got back to his room and it also was much changed, he was lying on a bed of broken Christmas trees. In fact they were piled in and around his bed and that was all you could see. I was going to leave at first because I didn't see him then I saw his butt it was sticking out of the side of the bed, I went around to where his head was and found him half dead, his neck was so tiny because he had wrapped a lamp cord around it like 50 times, trying to kill himself. I unwound it, not knowing if I was too late, and he breathed and protested to me that he had just been trying to get away, he was crying and broken emotionally. I told him "Pretty baby this is not the way. Yes I was having fun torturing your friends and you but never mind, it doesn't matter anymore, what matters is this is not the way." My whole attitude changed and I felt the hurt draining away as I focused on him being the injured party. I also had a bit of fear briefly because I thought it impossible he could have done that to himself. It was so tightly wound his neck was skinnier than an arm, and I worried someone had done to this to him, even though I knew he wanted to, and had, committed suicide. Later I had the forethought to know i should never get back together with Laura it fuck's up everytime.