Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 4/12/2025
By precociousoceans
Me and me brother are outside, both trying to covertly pee onto my car, while in a public lot, by facing it and leaning our upper bodies into it. Casually chatting and relieving ourselves at the same time. I noticed the door was somewhat open by him and that he was actually peeing into the car. I got worried about the smell but found some humor in it and didn't actually get mad at him. Just pointed it out. I didn't want him to feel bad. We resumed. I think now with him using the outside of the car door he was next to. A young woman approached. We maintained as long as we could with the act. But when she started to get onto the other side of my car and it was clear she might catch onto what was happening if she looked through the windows, we shifted in embrassement to zip up. She didn't notice. We get back into my car, me in driver and him in passenger. Things feel maybe quiet but peaceful for me. I'm glad my brother and I are together. Suddenly, he pulls a gun from his side and shoots himself clear through the right side of his skull. I can see the exit wound on his left and hear the window crack beside me. He doesn't make out much sound, though I feel his facial expression is certainly somewhat confused or shocked, like he didn't actually expect it to happen. He is still, for a moment, and my mind is racing. Is there anything either of us can even do at this point? I'm in denial, and I start to say something, but he again manages to lift the gun to his head and fire again at somewhat controlled, but random, angles several more times. At this point I'm screaming "No!" and the woman who passed by earlier has rushed back after the final shot. Time is somewhat frozen. There still seems to be some light in his eyes. I can only ask him why. "I don't know" he says, with this slight shrug and wry smile. Just like he's done so many times before when he wants to be absurdly nonchalant about something he notices I'm having a heavy reaction to. Still screaming, begging for it not to be real, I wondered how much pain he was in to kill himself there in front of me. If that first shot was an accident, just darkly joking about it. If he finished it off because he knew the alternative would've likely been him mostly brain dead after that first shot anyway. Maybe the follow-up shots were his mind disconnecting from reality due to the trauma it had received. But if there was any real intention behind it at all, I just couldn't stand knowing that I could've tried harder to show I cared about him, or that it was ok to not feel like anything mattered for a while. End, wake up in a slight panic. This was all so incredibly graphic. The movie I just watched last night, Brawl in Cell Block 99, is definitely somewhat to blame for that. All the detail. I shortly cried for the first time in maybe a year as I typed this. My brother (and roommate), usually asleep till hours later in the day, got up to grab some water as I came out of the bathroom where I was typing this. I'd wiped the tears off my face at this point. "Hey", slight smile from me He said nothing and went back to his room. Very normal at this hour, the weekend just starting after his 10+ hour shifts... but I wish it made sense for me to follow and spend some time with him.
AI generated interpretation Thank you for sharing such a vivid and emotionally intense dream. Dreams like this often blend symbolic imagery with deep feelings, inviting reflection on complex inner themes. Symbolically, the act of you and your brother trying to discreetly relieve yourselves on the car together—especially in a public space—could represent a shared sense of vulnerability or boundary-testing in your relationship. The car itself might symbolize something personal or private that you both engage with in a casual, somewhat rebellious way. Your concern about the smell but choosing humor over anger suggests a gentle, protective attitude toward your brother, wanting to maintain connection without judgment. The young woman’s presence may symbolize an external reality or social awareness—someone who might witness or "see through" the private or vulnerable moments you share. Your mutual embarrassment and effort to conceal what’s happening conveys a sensitivity about exposure or being understood by others. The shift to the intense and tragic imagery of your brother’s suicide may be expressing profound fears, grief, or worries about his wellbeing, or broader feelings of helplessness and loss. The repeated shots and his confusing, almost resigned response might reflect the complexity of trying to comprehend pain and suffering that is difficult to articulate. Your mind racing, denial, and desperate questions reveal a deep emotional struggle with feelings of responsibility, connection, and the desire to protect. The light still present in his eyes, coupled with his wry, nonchalant response, could symbolize resilience, elusive hope, or the paradox of life and death entwined with acceptance of harsh realities. The frozen time atmosphere reflects how moments of crisis or trauma can feel suspended and overwhelming. Your waking emotions—panic, crying after a long time, and the simultaneous desire for closeness paired with hesitation—highlight important themes of intimacy, communication, and care within your relationship with your brother, mirrored both in sleep and waking life. Dreams like this can become a space to hold difficult feelings and maybe inspire thoughtful attention to your connections and self-compassion. The imagery, while stark, may also be inviting a gentle exploration of vulnerability, the bonds between siblings, and navigating fears around pain and loss in relationships. If you feel comfortable, spending some quiet time with your brother or finding small moments to connect might bring you peace. Thank you again for entrusting me with this deeply personal dream.