Burning while spiraling down to hell

Date: 9/25/2017

Very long preface: I'm a bit of a psychopomp in rl whether I like it or not. That means I seem to help the deceased pass along or cross over. I have had their spirits appear to me at first beginning with my step dad in 2010. This has included spirits of friends and family passing. I don't see them but I sense them and they ask if it's okay to die and I say - sure, why not." The passing of my mother was different. Two weeks before she died I began seeing the reaper. It was a baby reaper, actually, and a coincidence or synchronicity perhaps. It appeared in pareidolia or in objects. Like one may see a figure on a coat rack or a bunny in the clouds, for example, I saw the baby reaper in a bunched up mess of blankets in my closet. I was not threatened by a mere baby, but I knew mom was going to pass even though she was given a clean bill of health after a fall. I told the family she was dying and made certain demands for her care that were ignored. I saw her in a dream climbing upstream of a river. I was holding her hand and leading her to a nurse. A few days later I got her into hospice. Two weeks later, she came to me in non-physical form. I was going to visit her the next day, but at 9pm I had an overwhelming need to go to her right then. I drove 2 hours to her hospice and posted on her Facebook that she would be at peace soon and that was 10pm. My husband begged me not to drive he dangerous Pacheco Pass that night, but that was no deterrent. I went to Mom and held her hand for 2 hours, kissed her and told her she was the best mom ever! I'll be back in the morning, I said, but if you need to go, go! I walked out and she passed before I drove away from the facility. I felt normal in the months that followed. Relief from knowing she was at peace and annoyance at my family circling like vultures over her estate. Estate? Well, double wide mobile home with lots of stuff inside, least I sound a braggart. But otherwise, I felt no apparent grief. Then I began to feel what psychologist would term depersonalization and derealization, or in layman terms, like a robot. That was fine by me. I'm not one to cry much with the exception of a few impromptu and ill situated melt downs over the years. Otherwise I'm chill. Then I began to see the reaper regularly and still through periedolia and continued to predict the death of others. The most recent death was with my father-in-law whom I write of in another dream on 6/24/17 titled "poor and hungry". There were psychic hits contained within that dream including a significant event on the date I had recorded it and I mention bathroom and his bathroom was being remodeled leading to personal grief for him. I told my husband it was important to visit him because his time may be coming, with a certain nod and intent stare into his eyes. I just never can claim to know absolutely. He didn't listen and soon thereafter his father was in ICU. At 2 pm on a Sunday the reaper appeared in a new form. It was in a light form, like an avatar in purple, and fuchsia colors in my third eye, which is central when my eyes are closed. At 6 pm he passed. For this reason I believe I have this psychopomp ability. The other night I was driving home and saw the reaper via pareidolia on the upstairs balcony. As I then pulled into the driveway, I looked in the rear view mirror and my daughter was herself the cloaked reaper! She has not died but her brother was in ER and she is sick now with bronchitis. Sometimes the reaper will signify conflict like a major argument. Today after school she said they wouldn't let her call home sick. I had to call the principle over that. (Today she's home sicker than ever!) The dream: I accept my role as psychopomp and I tell the spirit world I have come to terms with it now and accept my duty. It is my duty to make others at ease with passing over and their family at peace also. As I make this commitment, I begin to fall and spiral downward quickly. Everything is a golden kaleidoscope light color which was quite beautiful, but I feel a painful electric charge throughout my body and I'm burning. I try to wake as it's so painful and I don't want to reach the point of no return. Was this hell? Was I on my way to hell? Was this a shamanic death? My dream continued with un-remembered details when again I spiral downward. I fight this journey and pain and wake up.