Do I still like my ex crush?

Date: 7/7/2016

So I was very attracted to - and made the stupid mistake by not telling him I like him but it was SUPER obvious that I did. I remember that I was laying down next to him on a king sized bed and we were about to have sex then I sat on top of him telling him that I never did anything like this before and he said he will always wait for me when I'm ready. I starting kissing his neck and I actually felt loved for the first time and thinking it was a wish come true . My dad walked in. - And I were acting normal and sat up ate dinner and and we were walking around my dads house. Aileen my cousin was wondering if we were both were going to the water park and I said sure. Scared that - Was going to be attracted to her since she's beautiful and had a hourglass shape and I look like a stick compared to her. Went to the water park with just us and was crying that - wasn't there and Aileen wasn't there either and I was thinking that they were with each other. What does this mean?