The time I was a drug addict.

Date: 6/26/2018

I walked into my living room and saw a bunch of my little bags of coke and weed all spread out on the floor. My parents/family were trying to confront me about it. I eventually was sent to this rehab place that was really far from where I lived. When I got there they took me into my room. Inside it was a baby's crib (no clue why), a guy's bed, and a girl's bed. All the girls had to share one bed. In total there were 3 girls and that is not including me. The girls were already in the room. I went to meet them and they all had bad attitudes (which I could understand .) They were all pretty pissed about not being able to do drugs. All of us girls tried to go to sleep but then all of a sudden we all started slipping into withdrawl. My muscles started to ache super badly and I was freezing. Despite that I was doing much better compared to the other girls, they even noticed that and started to go off on me and tell me I do not belong there. The pain eventually got a bit better. I told the girls about this kid I used to know when I was younger and he was in a movie. I eventually found out who the bed for the guy belonged to. It belonged to one of my good friends from middle school. His name was Nic. I was really torn apart to find out that he was a drug addict as well. Out of all the people in the world it had to be him and not some stranger. I also was glad to see him because I did not feel so alone anymore. I was the only person in rehab to have a positive attitude about getting clean. I felt really refreshed and better than ever while being clean. While at my time there Nic and I grew closer to each other and had a brother and sister type of bond. We cared a lot for each other; the only problem was that the facility we were at was not that strict. So they let Nic go on Instagram live so his family and friends could see how he was doing. People sent him messages of how much they care for him and a bunch of heart emojis. Then out of no where Nic pulls out a bag of coke and snorts some lines. It really "triggered" me and I started to get this itch/craving for it. I remember at one point I was on the ground trying to reach for the bag of coke, but my body (at least my legs) had basically given up on me. My mouth and throat got really dry and no matter how much I swallowed it stayed that way. I started to have withdrawal symptoms and to make matters worse it was live for everybody to see, plus Nic was no where to be found. Now people know I have a drug problem. Nic appeared again after the live ended. He felt super crappy about relapsing again and that he made a total fool of himself. I told him not to worry and tried to comfort him by telling him people saw me go into withdrawl. It was time for everybody to go to bed now and instead of sleeping with the girls I slept by Nic. We talked about our problems and what we can do to help each other and a bunch of other things. I remember feeling super comfortable and safe by him. One day the facility let everybody roam around outside as long as we stayed around the area. Nic and I drove to this place with a lot of shops and restaurants. While we were arriving I noticed that I could tell apart who were users or dealers and it made me tempted to buy some coke. We eventually found a parking spot and I noticed the car next to us and right as I saw the person in the car I knew they had some coke. We got out of the car and Nic went up to th dude and asked him if he had any coke. The guy showed us this huge bag of coke and said he was willing to sell us some. Nic was about to buy some and I pleaded him to stop and tried to change his mind. Once I realized there was no stopping him I told him to give me some of it and he (surprisingly) did. I took some of his coke because I felt if I did not he would use it up all on himself and overdose, I also really wanted some. I realized what I was doing and threw it away even though I craved it badly. I thought for this whole time I have been clean and have felt really amazing and did not want it to all go to waste. I came to the conclusion I could not be close to Nic anymore because we are both "junkies" and once one of us would relapse the other would follow. It was tragic to finally open my eyes and realize that all the times he has relapsed I was right on the verge of doing it as well. I really cared for him. he was like my brother but I knew I had to move on for the best.