At long last, I apologized

Date: 12/3/2019

In my dream, I was sitting down at an indoor/outdoor café with a guy I dated 30 years ago. I finally had the chance to speak my peace about the insanity of my illogical behavior of wanting the cheat on him. (In real life: He is extremely good-looking and my logic was that the last guy I dated, ugly as fuck, cheated on me. So I’d beat him to the punch? So unfair for me to make the assumption all guys are pigs. Turned out, the really cute guy did indeed love me.) I still hold this pain, shame and remorse. Back to the dream: We were kind of outdoors, and under some sort of shelter (maybe a bunch of umbrellas). I got a chance to explain my irrational thinking and behavior, how I was young and naïve and believed he’d hurt me, so I better protect myself and hurt him first? What a fool I was. But the dream somehow felt light and light-hearted. He was busy at work placing quarters into small, square, colorful holders, usually used by collectors. He didn’t ask me to help, but I observed what he was doing and followed suit. As I was explaining myself, we were pre-occupied with tucking the quarters into their individual sleeves. In hindsight, I wonder if this was done so we would avoid eye contact. During this time, he seemed relaxed and pleasant to be with. My heart was rejoicing with how calm and easy-going he was. I was relieved that I had been forgiven and remorseful I didn’t give the relationship the real chance it deserved. I wish I could go back to that dream and pick up where we left off.