Alternative sex memories

Date: 8/10/2019

It safe to say my sex life has been horrible. Frankly, I have some pretty nasty memories of mediocre and abusive sex, that has had unfortunate long lasting effects. I didn’t go out of my way to get it ether. I think I’ve always behaved well and tried to find myself decent male company. It hasn’t work out well for me at all. Guess, I should have been much more diligent with judging of character, although I don’t see how. ☹️🥺 I’ve been reading a book Dr Mike Dow, Your Subconscious Brain Can Change Your Life, in it Dr Mike mentions that dreams are one of the few places were the subconscious gets to play in most people also that you can change memories or create new ones. Wow I thought I better get going with this and see if I can create some “healing” or at least healthier mind frames. I wasn’t really thinking of sex at the time more that I have health problems around female health and hormone imbalance that I want sorting. Anyway the first dream I had. I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was wearing a fancy black sexy corset thing and black stocking. (Pretty funny as I never wear anything like that and wouldn’t choose to. I more of a pretty Indian patterned cotton lace kind of girl for bed wear. Or at least anything that better and prettier than my Mum’s M&S nightie.) I was teasing two men and had them pretty much under control. (Again very funny, not my style) Then I seemed to float out of the character and look down at her. She really didn’t look anything like me and there was a odd pattern on her outer thighs. I wondered if it was a tattoo and floated closer to look. It wasn’t a tattoo in was a bruise that grow bigger and more like a life threatening haemorrhage under the skin. I realised the woman was not healthy. Her attitude to sex wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t real for me. I floated away and went back into sleep. In the morning, I had a very nice dream of making love with a handsome but none idealised man. It wasn’t anyone I knew or ever met. He was dark hair, my age, nice large chest, not strong man fit but still good that I was enjoying hanging onto it. He wasn’t my usual type; nothing like any fantasy husband. He was smilie and sweet natured perhaps someone I’d over look because I’d of thought him too sensitive, too particular. We were kissing, me on top. I asked him if “we really wanted to do this” He answer was unequivocally yes, then he ask me. I said okay but I wasn’t completely sure. The feeling was of two friends teasing each other, relaxed kind of joking but also honest. There was a tropical vibe, like as if we were on holiday or honeymoon. He didn’t seem to mind my reticence. Just took it as part of who I am. He kind of playfully grimace and took over pretending it was like a tough job, rolling me so I was underneath him. It made me laugh. It felt like he care and we were both happy. I didn’t stay asleep to experience the full nitty gritty but I got the district idea I wasn’t going to be disappointed and it was an equal participant thing. Basically, it was how I’d have liked my experiences to have been and what I should be looking for? Woke up and thought well, okay that worked better that I thought it would. Hmmm 🤔