my aunt committed suicide and it was my fault

Date: 12/31/2022

for context im 16 and i last saw my aunt about a month ago at a party. i selfharm, and she saw it, and was really sad and didn’t understand and i’ve just felt horrible ever since. and tomorrow i’ll be at her party. so in my dream, i don’t remember the details much, we tried to reach her but then later found out she killed herself. and i remember trying to cry but it was so difficult because i was dreaming, and i knew it was somehow my fault at some point for being a burden and making her sad. it took me a moment to realise she was alive and well when i woke up. it still makes me sad though.