Controlling the narrative

Date: 9/3/2023

I was in bed. It was dark. Pitch black with a lil light under the door from the next room. Los was waiting by the door. I tried to tell her to get in the bed. The clothes hamper scared me, I was trying to make sense of things in the dark. At some point I realized I was dreaming but my lucidness was in and out. I was telling myself I was a good person. I hadn’t slept with anyone else no matter what Boome thought of me. I said to myself, “Miranda. You know who you are.” I thought about a scenario with a white guy. Waking up 3, no 6, no 5 months later. Rolling over to have a white guys arm roll over with me in another shot for the surprise (film shot). He’d be blonde, sweet, in shape. I was daydreaming in my real dream knowing I was lucid dreaming. Because it was dark in my dream, but the sun was coming out in the scenario of my daydream. (Inception much?) The moment I stood up to “wake up” I realized something was off. I’m back in the “real dream”. I get up quickly hoping it wakes me up but by the time I’m standing I’m no longer lucid. I just feel my body not wake up. I walk to the door & open it. Los runs out. I go out of the bedroom directly into the next room. I’m facing the wall and a hallway. The house I’m in almost looks like a mixture of Karen’s old trailer & moms old double wide. Something is off? I follow Los into the kitchen but it’s dark again. I look for the light on the microwave. No power. There are no lights. I bend down to pick her up calling her name. She finally comes over to let me grab her (it comforts me to have another “person” near). I’m not sure why I’m scared but I don’t show it. I can sense something is off. I go back to the room that I was in before & face the wall again. I see a foot & a leg behind me. It slides back behind the wall. I confront it head on before I have time to be scared (adrenaline, fight or flight, call it what you will). I round the corner and it’s my mom in her bra & underwear like she’s getting ready for work & just got out of the shower. Part of me is still a bit scared. I pick her up with one arm and hold her near my hip like she’s a toddler. I look down the long hallway past my room. I take off running (she’s not in my arm anymore & neither is Los). The door at the end of the hallway is hers apparently. I see it has a lock but I’m coming in so hot it breaks open. Mom follows behind. There’s a man in her bed. I turn on the light and start “cheering” the bring it on “brrrr, it’s cold in here I guess there must be a lame man in the atmosphere”. I’m not sure if I used the word lame but I definitely sang the song to insult him. It was clear I didn’t like him & there were crushed beer bottles on the bed. I told her I would be back in 10 minutes. It was time to get up. She was yelling something at me about my skewed timeline. I didn’t care. Fuck him. I head back down the hallway… then a fucking broken plastic bracelet (that Chandler made me) I was laying on scared the fuck out of me because I thought it was a bug & I woke up.