Saying done.

Date: 6/1/2021

I was living with my girlfriend in her apartment under a very very low ceiling... Maybe under the bed? It was about 4 inches space in height. We lived under there happily for ages... But something happened which made me unhappy. There was a baby involved, mine I think. And some male god who took it and made me climb ladders with the baby and himself hanging off them, and occasionally more people too. Ladders going off cliffs mind... So if I failed we'd all die.. The baby would die. It wasn't cute. So later when I came out from under that low ceiling or bed I realized I was very unhappy. I hadn't noticed but she was unhappy... Kept keeping to herself. Going out or typing on the computer. She kept giving me things, tons of her stuff. Junk mostly... But some stuff was nice. It felt like too much. I hated it. I could tell she was a mess. I kept trying to help. I was miserable.. More so by the day. I grew more depressed as it became clear she wasn't interested in my help or me. I sat with her for a while... Sitting at her feet or the foot of the bed while she typed on the computer. She had kitties or bunnies. They cuddled in the blankets under my arm, and kept going in a circle, like a ring, with their bodies. It was the only way they moved and I thought it was super cute. She said no it wasn't. They only did that because they had a neurological disorder. She never took her eyes off the screen. Finally it came to a head where I tried too many times... Too much helpfulness...and she was overwhelmed. By what I didn't know, she never die anything. But she said get out and it was clear the relationship was done. So I said fine and worked to father my stuff, all the stuff she gave me. All the stuff I'd grown to like. But she didn't like that. She didn't want me to take it, it became clear tho she didn't say it. I finally decided it wasn't worth it bit I did want the letter I was writing her in her computer. It was personal and I wasn't sure if it was for her yet, if I was ready to give it to her yet. But I kept trying... I was making an advert gag with the letter too... I just wanted the stuff off the computer so she couldn't see it. I wasn't ready to say its over over yet... And if she saw the letter she would think it really was. So I scrambled and looked for the memory stick port but couldn't find it. She finally got fed up with that too. I left it. She could read it or not. I had the original letter backed up but not the final devastating revisions... But whatever. So I was leaving, like she wanted and she gave me more things. I wanted the. and didn't want them. It was a trap. But they were nice things. One was a white and gray baby play mat with the mobisle above it... All very soft plush fabric. And most of the stuff matched. I took it because suddenly she was her cute soft sweet self again, shy and happy with me. And when I packed this time I wasn't careful. I grabbed it all and threw it in a shopping cart. And left. I met a friend on the large industrial elevator on the way out. She asked me if I was 'ready to go back home yet?'. And I said hell yes. And I meant it.