Out of the Closet = Laughter 😖😞

Date: 8/22/2016

My dream last night was full of dolls and dresses and then changed to sports and hanging with the guys stuff like that. And it got the the point of being pulled back and forth between the two dreams and I started getting confused and acting differently in both scenarios. And it's almost like I could feel the heat on my cheeks rise and I froze in the middle of both "worlds" (I waited to type this dream bc something about this dream happened today at this new school) I was sitting at this table with these kids from my geometry class, which are the only people who basically acknowledge my existence at school.... Literally in my English class a kid was passing out books with our names in them and he was like "we have a kid named.....(my name) in our class? Since when, new kid?" Anyway, at lunch we were all laughing and someone threw food at me and it hit my chest... And I guess you could say I have big boobs (god I hate that word so much) and they were like of sorry and kept staring at my Texas Aggies symbol on my left chest side and then they said I was one of the guys... And I said that I was... I'm more of a jock than most of the girls and they both know I could dominate them at most sports... And they laughed and asked how I could be a guy with a chest of a girl and an "attractive" face... I said I was gay... Honestly I said it pretty seriously and I felt serious about it. They laughed like seriously laughed and some of them cooed "no" and "boo" and I automatically started laughing and smiling and saying I'm kidding... And I got really embarrassed... I ran a lap in athletics then I went to the weight lifting room and started doing hex bar squats with 180lbs and just straining myself and I just wanted to hurt and die... I'm really upset and embarrassed. And I can't talk to anyone about it... 😳😔😖 it's like a sick feeling in my stomach and I can't get it to go away.