Dream Journal Ultimate
Date: 4/3/2018
By theshittrain
Okay, so I tend to get into quite a few really bad fights with my parents. Sometimes the fights will get so bad that we don’t talk for days. Anyways, sometimes after these fights I’ll have these really scary/sad dreams about my parents and I. Recently I had one of those. To start it off we were in our house. My family was sitting on the couch watching Tv while I was in my room downstairs on my bed. Everything seemed perfectly fine, like a typical Sunday night. Then out of the blue I started to cry. I started to scream and shout how I hated everyone and how I wanted to die and that they made my life miserable. To spare the gory details let’s say that I locked my room door crying and ended up with a broken metal ruler through my neck which obviously killed me. Yeah, fun. I remember that after watching myself commit suicide I woke up in this older house that was really outdated and empty and sad feeling. I got up and went downstairs to the smell of coffee. My mom, and only my mom (because in this part of the dream everyone else left/didn’t live there) was sitting hunched over her glass just staring at it. She looked really dead. Like pale and almost sick-like but gave you the feeling that she wasn’t sick at all but just a really really sad older woman. Anyways I went downstairs to go talk to her and right as I approached her she got up and left shaking herself like she got the chills. So I carried on with my usual day of getting ready for school n stuff but as I was to leave I couldn’t open the door. Like I’d open it ‘in my mind’ but it wouldn’t actually budge. So I went to go ask my mom for help, gradually calling her name, and then I heard sobbing. She was sitting in a single chair in the living room and around her were these ugly ass black shadow creatures just sucking this yellow energy out of her (her happiness). I ran to her side and pushed/‘blew’ them away with my arms? Like if you were to move your arms around to get rid of smoke. Anyways I went to comfort her and as I knelt to her side she was holding this picture of me as a kid. I asked her what was wrong but she didn’t seem to hear me. Eventually I started screaming at her to talk to me and tell ‘s what was wrong but she still didn’t answer. Then I began have this anxiety attack thing.(I figured I was invisible to her) I ran upstairs to my room and just went to stare at myself in the mirror. I was there but very very transparent. Of course I freaked out even more because I could see my bed through my fucking torso, but I tried to keep my cool and go back downstairs. I went to my mom who was still in her seat and jut looked at her. Then she tilted her head up at me, staring me right in the eyes and crying even harder saying how much she missed me and that her world was ruined when I left, aka died. Nothing else really happened after that though. She just kept sobbing and sobbing like she was watching her family slowly just die over and over again. And I couldn’t move. I was forced to watch her and all I could feel was how fucking horrible I was. My skin was burning up and I was having difficulty breathing because I was in shock and was attempting to cry. After that my mom pulled out a gun from her pocket and just straight up shot herself in the head as I screamed and struggled to get her to stop. Honestly even though it wasn’t real it shook the living shit out of me. Just seeing my mom sad like that made me feel like such a horrible person.