trip with my ego

Date: 7/11/2023

I'm in a large house, talking to a girl about my age. Something about her is extremely familiar, like peeling off layers of myself with each exchange. We were having an interesting conversation about boys. Men? Something we agreed neither of us had figured out quite yet. Perhaps we're too unserious? Too wild? No? Maybe we make ourselves too difficult to love, we finally arrive at. I'm telling her about Jeff. I've been spending time with him more frequently lately. I like him, he seems chill. "A little too chill," she responds and I nod in agreement, "you know we don't like them too soft." It seems we both date him from time to time. I had to think about that and realise she was right. I'm too sharp, and afraid I might cut his soft edges. I would hate to transform anyone against their will. We talk about Marty, I find him quite irritating, she agrees with me but still likes him, even after her remark of how fake she felt he had been during their time together - why is he so flowery we both ask at the same time and giggle. Someone needs to knock the crown off his head. There is a woman in the house who is frantically walking around in loose running shorts and a spaghetti strap top, looking for something or performing some menial tasks. Her jitteriness makes me nervous as I sneak peeks at her from the corner of my eye. She approaches the man on the couch on the other side of the large room, who is reading a newspaper it seems (I don't think I like this man very much). The girl recoils as I think of my unplaced disdain towards him. He hands the woman a syringe filled with a cloudy white substance. "Oh you got it?" the girl says to the woman, "it's not ketamine, right?" I'm aware that she does drugs but ketamine??? I laugh. She can't be serious...can she? The woman hands her the syringe which she then gives to me. She says she had her own for the evening and this is for me. The man whistles at me to get my attention and I roll my eyes in his direction. He shows me his newspaper - he's playing some kind of anime game where the characters turn into playing cards. Or watching the game happen rather, the newspaper has some kind of screen built into it, like a tablet. Tf is that I think to myself. I start dropping the white substance from the syringe onto my tongue, one drop at a time. For a fraction of a second I think why am I doing this, but push that down and continue. Drip. Drip. Drip. Onto my tongue. For a long time I feel nothing. I'm sitting on the couch and soaking up the world around me. And that's when it starts turning dark blue, my heart, as hot as the dark blue air, is beating faster the more I watch the change in hue occur right before me. As I get up everything seems to be going in fast forward around me, people become blurs and lights are faintly glowing strings in my periphery. It feels like I am traveling through planes this house has never seen. I add an unnecessary gait to my step (on purpose? it feels like) as I make my way down an impossibly long hallway to go to the bathroom. The dark blue hue of the house obscuring any signs of the hallway's end. A song is playing but I can't recognise it, it's a cyclical beat that may only live inside of my head - I am not sure, but what I am sure of is that when the music stops...I stop? I'm not sure what that means. I do not want to ask because I don't think I can talk coherently right now, and I am at a frequency far beyond anyone else's comprehension. I awkwardly reach the bathroom door and push my way inside. It's covered in a strange marble grey pattern everywhere, but the cheap linoleum type that you commonly see on kitchen counter tops. The lighting here is normal - this makes me almost vomit. Do I really want to go into this place? Leave the comfort of the dark blue warmth? But my head is alternating between trying to float away from my shoulders, and failing to support its own weight. My legs won't stop their small and awkward shuffles to the music I've created inside myself. I see my chance for clarity: I approach the mirror, using my hands to steady myself against the white ceramic basin, it's nice and cold. The room fades to dark blue again once again as I start lifting my head up to the mirror, but...I can't see myself. I can't see my eyes, I want to, but something won't allow this. Something is obscuring my face. I see my chin, my lips, my moustache and jaw, clenching and unclenching, as if I am dancing with the lower half of my face for the mirror. I can't feel my face doing it, but I can see it happening. The rest of my face is obscured by a light pink cloud. Silky tentacles of the mist wrap around my face moving like liquid candy floss, it's beautiful to watch but terrifying to place outside of the mirror. Is this what I look like? I turn away because the longer I watch the more my anxiety grows, I find the toilet. I sit down with my head between my knees and I wait.

AI generated interpretation In your dream, you are on a trip with your ego, representing your sense of self. The large house symbolizes your psyche or inner world. You are engaging in a conversation with a girl who feels familiar, as if peeling off layers of yourself. This suggests that you are exploring different aspects of your identity and trying to understand yourself better. The conversation focuses on relationships with boys. The discussion about Jeff suggests that you are drawn to someone who seems relaxed and easygoing, but you also feel concerned that your sharpness might negatively affect him. This may reflect your fear of unintentionally hurting or changing someone you care about. The mention of Marty, an irritating yet attractive character, highlights the conflict between your dislike for certain qualities in others and your ability to still find them appealing. It could suggest that you are capable of recognizing shortcomings in others but are also willing to accept them as they are. The woman in loose running shorts and spaghetti strap top represents restlessness and a sense of urgency. You feel nervous around her, indicating anxiety or discomfort. When she receives a syringe filled with a cloudy white substance from the man you dislike, it may suggest a temptation or involvement with something undesirable or potentially harmful. The mention of ketamine and the subsequent laughter may indicate a part of you finding the idea absurd or out of character. This emphasizes the conflict between your desire for excitement and the need for stability or self-control. The man showing you a newspaper with an anime game symbolizes a distraction from your own reality. It could represent escapism or a tendency to engage in activities that detach you from the present moment. Taking the white substance by dripping it onto your tongue may indicate a willingness to explore new experiences or sensations. The initial doubt about why you are doing this suggests a level of hesitation or uncertainty. As the substance takes effect, the dark blue hue and the accelerated perception of time reflect a sense of disorientation and a shift into an altered state of consciousness. Walking down an impossibly long hallway towards the bathroom represents the journey towards self-exploration and seeking clarity. The cyclical beat of the song inside your head signifies your inner emotional rhythms. The uncertainty about what will happen when the music stops suggests a fear of losing control or stability. The bathroom, covered in a strange marble grey pattern, represents a moment of reflection or self-examination. The normal lighting here contrasts with the dark blue hue, creating a sense of discomfort. The inability to see yourself fully in the mirror suggests a struggle to fully understand or accept your own identity. The pink cloud obscuring your face may represent a barrier or defense mechanism that prevents you from confronting your true self. The anxiety that grows when you observe this may indicate apprehension about facing your own vulnerability and insecurities. Sitting on the toilet with your head between your knees symbolizes a moment of introspection and waiting. It suggests a need to pause and reflect before continuing on your journey of self-discovery. Overall, your dream depicts an exploration of identity, relationships, and self-image. It highlights a desire for excitement and self-expression, but also reveals a fear of losing control and a struggle with self-acceptance.