Nightmare of Loss (Death of My Lover)

Date: 9/29/2017

(A lot of the details are fuzzy, but this was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had that woke me up in tears. I've been awake for 20 minutes and can't stop crying.) I find out that Zack has died. I don't know how I found out or where, but I know that I read the announcement of his death somewhere. I'm immediately skeptical, so I call him, text him, but to no avail. I even call his mom and aunt, but they don't answer either. On facebook, people are saying things like "RIP to my best friend Zack", and "RIP Zack, gone too soon." I'm just at a loss for words, completely shocked. I panic and finally Ziggy calls me and gives me the details as he was with Zack when he died. It was a heart condition.. he says that Zack was asleep on the couch and he suddenly woke up clenching his heart saying "I think I'm dying." Zack was having a heart attack and Ziggy called 911 immediately. At this moment I was on the phone with Ziggy and in line to buy some lunch items, but after hearing about his death, I felt like I had never wanted to eat again... I walk out of the grocery store, dropping my shit on the floor in the process and not giving a fuck. I tell my parents who comfort me and hold me while I cry. But of course, that doesn't mend the heart at all. Finally, I go to Zack's apartment where Tricia is temporarily living. Meli has her tail between her legs, very scared and worried about her owner who is no where to be seen. Tricia is so fucked up on pain meds and alcohol that she can't even speak. Her face shows no emotion. I go over to Zack's bed and cry and hold Meli in my arms, wishing for a single moment to talk to Zack again. I fall asleep in his bed and dream of him being alive and us goofing off together. It's such a good dream, that when I wake I'm even more heartbroken of the nightmare that he's no longer with us. I don't get out of bed. Meli doesn't either. I enter this cycle of falling asleep, waking up and realizing that he's gone, crying myself to sleep, waking up, and on and on it goes.