Preparing

Date: 10/25/2022

I was in some amorphous dream, where I got the sense of why I couldn't find someone to be with romantically. Anyone who was interested projected all the good and bad they were onto me, and therefore couldn't see me. They can't love what they can't see. It happens every time. They are this great huge black smoke cloud like being, and I am small and light, curled up upon myself in the darkness. I am happy, and a little sad, but not the problem. They are. I might be letting them do this, codependent, but it's not me they dislike. I might also do what they do, but it was pushed at me that it was them mostly. They were the ones who did this to the extreme I was kept alone. In the dark. ~ School/Apartment complex. I am tired of my apartment. I'm given a new class, the art room. Its a glass box open to the hall ways. They empty it for me and tell me to move in there. Also two people are moving out. A guy on the 3rd floor, and one on the 6th. Apparently I'm on the 1st. I feel like there are more floors below me. I help the guy on the third floor pack his stuff. Disney jewelry is left there by the last tenant. I decided to pick the 6th floor one. I ask twice if the apartment is clean. He just decided to quit his job. ~ I'm prevented from getting to my room, many people are. We live where we work, maybe a barracks? The garden alien refuses to let us. I buy food for a friend and pretend we aren't even going in that direction. He's astonished I know all his favorite foods. I plan to out thwart the garden alien that keeps getting in our way.